Saturday, February 20, 2010

Self Improvement Classes – Enrol Now! « The Ben Lomond Free Press 

SELF IMPROVEMENT CLASSES NOW AVAILABLE    BELOW IS A PARTIAL LIST OF CLASSES BEING OFFERED THIS SPRING    
1. SELF IMPROVEMENT     BELOW IS A PARTIAL LIST OF CLASSES BEING OFFERED THIS SPRING

1. SELF IMPROVEMENT

     Creative Suffering
     Overcoming Peace of Mind
     Guilt Without Sex
     Ego Gratification Through Violence
     Creative Depression
     Whine Your Way to Alienation
     How to Overcome Self Doubt Through Pretence and Ostentation
     A New Drug to Enhance Your Social Life

2. BUSINESS AND CAREER

     Money Can Make You Rich. I made £100 in Property
     Career Opportunities in Afghanistan
     How to Profit From Your Own Body
     The Underachievers Guide to Very Small Business
     Looters Guide to British Cities
     Growing Grass For Fun and Profit
     Small Scale Oil Drilling in the Falkland Islands
     Passport Forgery for Secret Agents
     (Applicants must hold British Passport)
     Security Guard Training for Papal Visit* (Includes Self
     Flagellation for Beginners)
     *Please do no not apply if gay, female or prone to
      suffocating ill friends with pillows.      

3. HOME ECONOMICS

     How You Can Convert Your Family Room Into a Garage
     1001 Other Uses For Your Vacuum Cleaner
     Burglarproof Your Home With Concrete
     The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity
     How to Convert a Wheelchair Into a Beach Buggy
     Christianity and the Art of RV Maintenance

4. HEALTH AND FITNESS

     Creative Tooth Decay
     Exorcism and Acne
     The Joys of Hypochondria
     High Fibre Sex
     Biofeedback and How to Stop it.
     Skate Yourself to Regularity
     Tap Dance Yourself to Social Ridicule
     Optimum Body Functions

5. CRAFTS

     Self-Actualization Through Macrame
     How to Draw Genitalia
     Needlecraft for Addicts
     Origami for Self Defence
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