Politicians, goats and The Australian

via jrphoto.com.au

Caption?

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Public Policy Polling: Palin trails Sheen with independents

via publicpolicypolling.blogspot.com

We've found a lot of brutal poll numbers for Sarah Palin so far in 2011: down in South Dakota, down in South Carolina, down in Arizona, only up by 1 point in Texas, only up by 1 point in Nebraska to name a few. But this has to be the worst- independent voters say they would support Charlie Sheen over Palin for President by a 41/36 margin. Seriously.
Despite her deficit with independents Palin does lead Sheen 49-29 overall. We also tested Barack Obama against Sheen and the President leads 57-24.
Sheen is one of the most unpopular figures we've ever polled on. 10% of Americans rate him favorably to 67% with a negative opinion of him. The only people we've ever found worse numbers for are Rod Blagojevich in Illinois (an 8/83 favorability spread), Jesse Jackson Jr. in Illinois (a 10/73 favorability), and Levi Johnston in Alaska (a 6/72 favorability). Sheen's -57 spread ties what we found for John Edwards in North Carolina the last time we polled him (15/72).
Sheen's unpopularity is pretty universal across party lines so it says something about the level of polarization in the country right now that Democrats would support him by a 44-24 margin for President over Palin and that Republicans would support him 37-28 over Obama. People may not have any respect for Sheen but they still think he'd be a better alternative than their opposing party's leading figure.
Obviously Charlie Sheen's not going to run for the White House but the Palin numbers are one of the more interesting benchmarks yet pointing to just how minuscule her chance at the Presidency would be even if she did decide to get into the race.

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We are here to help?

via private-eye.co.uk

What a wanker.

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Is this the most annoying man in Australia

via twitpic.com

Yes, Yes and Yes.

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Charlie Brooker | All hail the human face of the coalition: Nick Clegg – sad-eyed defender of the new reality | Comment is free | The Guardian

via guardian.co.uk

In these uncertain, unsettling times, with unpopular policies being implemented by a patchwork coalition of the damned, Nick Clegg is proving to be perhaps the most useful tool in the government's shed. Not because he says or does anything particularly inspiring, but because he functions as a universal disappointment sponge for disenchanted voters. You stare at Nick Clegg and feel infinitely unhappy, scarcely noticing Cameron and co hiding behind him.
Governments around the world must be studying the coalition and working out how to get their own Clegg. He's the coalition's very own Pudsey Bear: a cuddly-but-tragic mascot representing the acceptable face of abuse. But unlike Pudsey, he actually speaks. Immediately following each unpleasant new announcement, Cleggsy Bear shuffles on stage to defend it, working his sad eyes and boyish face as he morosely explains why the decision was inevitable – and not just inevitable, but fair; in fact possibly the fairest, most reasonable decision to have been taken in our lifetimes, no matter how loudly people scream to the contrary.
It's hard not to detect an air of crushed self-delusion about all this. At times Clegg sounds like a once-respected stage actor who's taken the Hollywood dollar and now finds himself sitting at a press junket, patiently telling a reporter that while, yes, on the face of it, his role as the Fartmonster in Guff Ditch III: Fartmonster's Revenge may look like a cultural step down from his previous work with the Royal Shakespeare Company, if you look beyond all the scenes of topless women being dissolved by clouds of acrid methane, the Guff Ditch trilogy actually contains more intellectual sustenance than King Lear, and that all the critics who've seen the film and are loudly claiming otherwise are misguided, partisan naysayers hell- bent on cynically misleading the public – which is ethically wrong.
It's only a matter of time before the word "Clegg" enters the dictionary as a noun meaning "agonised, doe-eyed apologist". Or maybe it'll become a verb. Years from now, teachers will ask their pupils to stop "clegging on" about how the dog ate their homework and just bloody hand it in on time.
Clegg's most recent act of clegging was to explain to this newspaper that the Institute of Fiscal Studies was wrong to brand the spending review "unfair".

As an aside, a Clegg is a blood sucking horse fly. Nasty things. I don't think that Clegg himself is nasty, but he certainly has a nasty job.

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CONSTITUTIONAL EXCLUSIVE: 50 WAYS TO WIN GOVERNMENT | Daily Telegraph Joe Hildebrand Blog

via blogs.news.com.au

Both Labor and the Coalition claim they have the right to form Government under Australia’s complex constitutional conventions. However in yet another extraordinary exclusive, the Joe Hildebrand Blog can reveal there are a number of criteria to decide who has the mandate to seek a majority in Parliament...
1 The party that has the most seats
2 The party that has the highest primary vote
3 The party that has the highest two-party preferred vote
4 The party that has the highest two-party preferred vote in the highest number of seats
5 The party that has the highest MPs (ie. the Greens)
6 The party that runs the best focus groups
7 The focus groups that run the best party
8 The focus groups that host the best party
9 The party with the most women
10 The party that picks up the most women
11 The party that wins Eden-Monaro
12 The party that wins Lindsay
13 The party that wins Lindsay Lohan
14 The party that finds Lindsay Lohan
15 The party that has a plan for the future
16 The party that has an action contract with the Australian people
17 The party that has a contract out on the Australian people
18 The party that can offer the most stability
19 The party that can offer the most money
20 The party that can offer its costings
21 The party that can cost its offers
22 The party that can stuff its coffers
23 The party that can stuff the coppers
24 The party backed by Marius Kloppers
25 The party that can tell the best joke
26 The party that has the most jokes*
27 The party that has the most blokes
28 The party that bums the most smokes
29 The party that snorts the most coke
30 The party with the most conservatives
31 The party with the most reds
32 The party with the most redheads
33 The party with the most deadheads (ie. the Greens)
34 The party with the best policies
35 The party with the most policies
36 The party with the best plan
37 The party with the best people
38 The best party
39 The Peter Best party
40 The Ringo Starr party
41 The Birthday Party
42 The third party insurance party
43 The arty-farty party (ie. the Greens)
44 The party in the house
45 The party in da house
46 The party with the numbers in the house
47 The party with da numbers in da house (ie. the Greens)
48 The party with the highest principles
49 The party with any principles
50 Any party
*Laurie Ferguson counts for two

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Would Tony Abbott turn back The Jumblies?

I

They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,   In a Sieve they went to sea: In spite of all their friends could say, On a winter's morn, on a stormy day,   In a Sieve they went to sea! And when the Sieve turned round and round, And every one cried, 'You'll all be drowned!' They called aloud, 'Our Sieve ain't big, But we don't care a button! we don't care a fig!   In a Sieve we'll go to sea!'       Far and few, far and few,             Are the lands where the Jumblies live;       Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,             And they went to sea in a Sieve.

II

They sailed away in a Sieve, they did, In a Sieve they sailed so fast,   With only a beautiful pea-green veil Tied with a riband by way of a sail,   To a small tobacco-pipe mast; And every one said, who saw them go, 'O won't they be soon upset, you know! For the sky is dark, and the voyage is long, And happen what may, it's extremely wrong   In a Sieve to sail so fast!'       Far and few, far and few,             Are the lands where the Jumblies live;       Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,             And they went to sea in a Sieve.

III

The water it soon came in, it did,   The water it soon came in; So to keep them dry, they wrapped their feet In a pinky paper all folded neat,   And they fastened it down with a pin. And they passed the night in a crockery-jar, And each of them said, 'How wise we are! Though the sky be dark, and the voyage be long, Yet we never can think we were rash or wrong,   While round in our Sieve we spin!'       Far and few, far and few,             Are the lands where the Jumblies live;       Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,             And they went to sea in a Sieve.

IV

And all night long they sailed away;   And when the sun went down, They whistled and warbled a moony song To the echoing sound of a coppery gong,   In the shade of the mountains brown. 'O Timballo! How happy we are, When we live in a Sieve and a crockery-jar, And all night long in the moonlight pale, We sail away with a pea-green sail,   In the shade of the mountains brown!'       Far and few, far and few,             Are the lands where the Jumblies live;       Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,             And they went to sea in a Sieve.

V

They sailed to the Western Sea, they did,   To a land all covered with trees, And they bought an Owl, and a useful Cart, And a pound of Rice, and a Cranberry Tart,   And a hive of silvery Bees. And they bought a Pig, and some green Jack-daws, And a lovely Monkey with lollipop paws, And forty bottles of Ring-Bo-Ree,   And no end of Stilton Cheese.       Far and few, far and few,             Are the lands where the Jumblies live;       Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,             And they went to sea in a Sieve.

VI

And in twenty years they all came back,   In twenty years or more, And every one said, 'How tall they've grown! For they've been to the Lakes, and the Torrible Zone,   And the hills of the Chankly Bore!' And they drank their health, and gave them a feast Of dumplings made of beautiful yeast; And every one said, 'If we only live, We too will go to sea in a Sieve,---   To the hills of the Chankly Bore!'       Far and few, far and few,             Are the lands where the Jumblies live;       Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,             And they went to sea in a Sieve.

The Journo Buses Chase after Gillard and Abbott

via twitpic.com

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The Australian Political System & You - How Canberra really works via @danilic

via youtube.com

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Chilcot inquiry: Iraq war increased terror threat in Britain, says former head of MI5 | Mail Online

via dailymail.co.uk

Invading Iraq and Afghanistan has increased the terror threat in Britain, the former head of MI5 said yesterday.
In apparent revenge for being forced out in 2007, Baroness Eliza Manningham-Buller dismantled Tony Blair's case for war and Labour's claims that it would not put us at risk.
She said the conflicts had radicalised a generation of young British Muslims - substantially increasing the risk of a terrorist atrocity on UK soil.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1296204/Chilcot-inquiry-Iraq-war-incr...
I loved the bit about Cheney/Rumsfeld picking through the dregs to present a more hawkish basis for action. Those guys should be in jail.

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We need more politicians like this in Australia

She can join Tony Abbotts Border Protection Possee

Australian Election Countdown - Which Leader do you hate less?

via thevine.com.au

Nobody likes either Rudd or Abbott. Both men have an approval ratings in the low 40s and disapproval ratings that simply scream "keep this man away from the reins of power!". To paraphrase that gem of 21st century cinema, Alien vs Predator, this is increasingly looking like an election where whoever wins, we lose.

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Off-message: Australia’s woeful political advertising | Article | The Punch

via thepunch.com.au

My kind of politician. He makes Barnaby look normal.

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Stephen Conroy Mr 14.4 Downloads

Stephen Conroy wants to slow down your Aussie Broadband Experience under the guise that we are all child pornographers. When I first had internet in the US, it was 14.4 downloads with this. If Stephen and his political pals have their way we will be heading back that way very fast. Our ISP's will be jacking up their rates and our overall experience will be worse. Imagine downloading porn and the like on a dial up connection. Perhaps it will achieve their objectives. What I hate is the hypocrisy. This is the Labor equivalent of Work Choices. Who knew? Nasty public policy thrust down our throats by smiling assassins. No thanks.

It is an utterly bogus and sick political strategy. So looks like with all the baloney with the broadband rollout plan, his plan is that you pay more and you get less. I don't like it along with a few other people. This kind of stuff needs to be opposed root and branch. You can make a difference by making a phone call or writing an email. I think that it is worth it.

Kevin and his conservative side of Labor appear to be serious. As such their stupid plans need to be opposed very seriously.

There are many organisations who are working to oppose net censorship in Australia. Get Up is one. This is their take. There are many many resources and I would urge you to research them. Personally I have written to many local and Commonwealth Politicians. I have had some very supportive responses from all sides of politics although the closer you get to Minister Conroy, the more you get "So you like child pornography on the internet?" Very insulting. I recommend that you write some emails, call some politicians offices. If you are here in South Australia, Mike Rann, the State Premier is the Top Cheese of the Australian Labor Party this year. He also has a tough reelection next year. I am sure that he is fair game for an email.

This is what I got from Get Up.

Dear Colin,
Thank you for taking the time to speak out against the Government's misguided plan for a mandatory internet filter.

You have joined many thousands of members of the public, as well as Internet Service Providers, censorship and human rights experts in calling on the Government to drop the scheme.

Testing has already begun - please take a moment to tell your friends and colleagues about this campaign so that we can build a powerful movement to stop the mandatory filter dead in its tracks.

Just forward the original email below.

You can also collect petition signatures from your own social network page, blog or website with our new 'Save the Net' widget. It's secure and easy to use. Click here for more details.

Thanks,
The GetUp team

-----------------Original email to forward to your friends-------------------

Dear friend,

Imagine a government proposing an internet censorship system that went further than any other democracy - one that made the internet up to 87% slower, more expensive, accidentally blocked up to one in 12 legitimate sites, and missed the vast majority of inappropriate content.

This is not China, Saudi Arabia or Iran - this is the vision of Senator Stephen Conroy for Australia. Testing has already begun. The community must now move to stop this plan. Click here to save the net:

www.getup.org.au/campaign/SaveTheNet

The system that Senator Conroy wants is a mandatory filter of all internet traffic, with the government of the day able to add any unwanted site to a secret blacklist. Already, the wrangling has begun for the inclusion of material relating to anorexia, euthanasia and gambling. It isn't difficult to see the scheme is open to abuse.

Even when it comes to preventing child p-rnography, the filter will not prevent peer-to-peer sharing and is very simple to sidestep. The protection of our children is vitally important - that's why we can't afford to waste funds on this deeply flawed system. We should be concentrating on solutions that are more effective and won't undermine our digital economy or our democratic freedoms.

This must rank as one of the most ill-thought decisions of the Rudd Government's first year in power. We need to act now to tell big brother the mandatory internet filter is incompatible with the principles of a modern democracy and modern economy:

www.getup.org.au/campaign/SaveTheNet

Our government should be doing all in its power to take Australia into the 21st century economy, and to protect our children. This proposed internet censorship does neither. Take action to save the net today.

Thanks for being a part of the solution,
The GetUp team

PS - The proposed scheme will pass all internet traffic through a government filter - it's like asking Australia Post to filter every letter sent in Australia. Click here to save the net.

Scary Stuff. Now is the time to do something. Not later, when these guys have stitched things up.

It's just so UnAustralian (Thanks Roy).

I am waiting for somebody to tell me why this is such a great idea. Senator Conroy and your accolytes, please make your case. Don't have Australia up there with Saudi Arabia and China. We all have our own minds. We don't need Kevin Ingsoc Rudd and his Pals to dictate.

Thank you.

Sarah Palin Thanksgiving Special

Would you like your Thanksgiving Turkey Shaken or Stirred?

On Thursday, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin appeared in Wasilla in order to pardon a local turkey in anticipation of Thanksgiving. This proved to be a slightly absurd but ultimately unremarkable event. But what came next was positively surreal. After the pardon Palin proceeded to do an interview with a local TV station while the turkeys were being SLAUGHTERED in the background!!

Happy Thanksgiving from Governor Palin and your friendly neighbourhood Turkey Slaughterer.

It is very refreshing in a way to see her without the phalanx of minders and the Armani outfits that go with the Presidential Election.

Next up Gordon Brown pardoning haggises on Burns night and Kevin Rudd intervening to limit kangaroo culls.

Thanks to the Huffington Post.

Scottish People Sick of Being Made Fun Of

All I can say is that this is fuckin' racist ye English bastards.

It seems Scottish people are once again the but of abuse and jokes in the old country. Poor old Gordon Broon and his Scottish entourage, currently running one of the larger economies in the world and getting slammed right left and centre.

Apparently the Daily Mash people think that it is fun to make fun of poor Alistair Darling. Don't they know that Scottish people have had it with being mocked. It's been going on for hundreds of years. We have had it. Alex will be raising an army of ASBO recedivists to demonstrate the benefits of the Glasgae Kiss and the like if they don't back off.

"In the space of 20 seconds we heard four 'fuds', an 'erse', at least two 'keechs', and one 'gerrit right up ye, ya fuckin' shitebag'."

He added: "There were also five 'boabies', a 'basturt', three 'chebs', a 'bam', two 'fannybawz' and a 'come aheid ya fuckin' dobber'. We believe much of it may be offensive."

A spokesman for ITV said the show's Manchester-based staff had mistakenly invited the Scotsman onto the programme thinking he was either Bulgarian or mentally retarded.

We've had enough of this puerile shit.

Thanks to Ginro, who pointed me in the right direction.

And who is Jeremy Kyle? Any relation to Kyle of Lochalsh?

Thanks to the Daily Mash and Newmania for the excellent fashion shot. I want one of those.

And to top it off from Tuscan Tony's entertaining blog, we have the Slogan Generator with the key word Haggis.

Tonight, Let It Be Haggis.
Life Should Taste as Good as Haggis
Haggis stays sharp to the bottom of the glass

And finally another Canadian Myth

Marvin the Mounty always gets his Haggis.

Speaking of which, courtesy of JMB

It is good to know that we are not the only ethnic group that have to put up with this kind of stuff.

Every day is a Haggis Day in my world.

Making Fun of Politicians

Photoshop has made its mark on the US Election Campaign this year.

Interesting that there are none of Grandad McCain. Perhaps Republicans are too serious to parody.

SA Prisons and Transport to have Similar Strategies

Kevin I'm Tough on Crime Foley's Prison Strategy

"Rack 'em Pack 'em and Stack 'em"

Pat Fat Controller Conlon's Transportation Strategy

Track 'em Pack 'em and Stack 'em



Morons!

Obama wins the Beer Vote

Which US politician would you like to have a beer with?

Apparently Obama has this race locked up. Personally I'll just take the beer thanks. The thought of having a beer with Mike Huckabee is enough to make me barf.

Hillary Plots for the 2012 Democratic Primaries

Best News of the Week. Thanks Iowa.

Update: Seems Hillary won anyway. Looks a bit suss to me. Talk about a candidate of the establishment.

Thanks Sarge Charlie.