Brown to apologise to all children forced to grow up in the UK

Gordon Brown is planning an apology to those children left to be raised in the UK instead of being offered the chance of living in a far nicer country, somewhere sunny.

Under the Child Migrants Programme - which ended just 40 years ago - many children were rejected and left to face a life of dreary weather, miserable citizens and truly terrible national sports teams.

59 year old Gerry Owen is one of the unfortunate children of the fifties left behind in the UK, and he told us, “I was born in 1950, and in 1959 my application to go ‘absolutely anywhere else at all’ was rejected out of hand.”

“Since then, I’ve been subjected to a miserable existence on these Isles, consisting mainly of drizzling grey monotony interspersed with abject disappointment after stunningly predictable abject disappointment.”

“It’s all the Government’s fault, and I still blame them for not sending me somewhere much, much nicer all those years ago.”

“The irony is, I’m a borderline alcoholic who genuinely loves cricket and utterly despises football, I’d have made a brilliant Australian.

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