Red Tape Strangling Aussie Family Life
I decided I'd had enough of the nanny state the day my kids came home in disgrace because they had hummus for lunch - it was the same day the ACT Government banned me from walking my dog to school.
Business is always whingeing about government regulations, but what about the red tape strangling family life?
Governments are now trying to micro-manage every aspect of a parent's job - from telling you what you can feed your kids and how you can discipline them to how much television they can watch.
Now Kevin Rudd wants to test what sort of a parent you are by measuring your child's waistline, empathy, curiosity and whether they pick up a pencil dropped by a classmate.
My one luxury as a working mum used to be lunch order day - but the healthy canteen policy has robbed me of that.
Instead of sleeping in one day a week I'm now up packing lunches - because cream cheese and lettuce sandwiches just don't have the same appeal to my kids as chicken nuggets.
"Mum, I don't do sandwiches," my 11-year-old solemnly informed me during the canteen's healthy sandwich drive.
Even the task of concocting a healthy home-made lunch has become a feat of Olympic proportions, thanks to the school's new nut-free policy.
After calling a family conference to workshop lunch ideas that removed nuts, muesli bars and peanut butter from my kids' lunchboxes, I thought I had the perfect solution: chicken and hummus rolls that are not only good but tasty.
Wrong.
Hummus (which I never realised until now is a nut) is also banned because it has sesame seed paste in it.
That just happened to be the day the school newsletter informed me that getting the kids fit by walking the dog to school with them was now also illegal and I'd be fined if I took the dog on to school grounds.
If governments want to wrap families in red tape they should at least make sure the rules they set are consistent.
Do they want us to feed our kids healthy food and get them fit or not?
What annoys me most about the burgeoning nanny state is that all families are being penalised by rules meant to stop the bad practices of a minority.
If one in four children are overweight, that means the overwhelming majority aren't.
The 75 per cent of families who buy their kids one junk food meal a week at the school canteen as a treat are penalised because a few parents feed their kids junk more often.
This is an election year and I reckon it's time for families to fight back against the government red tape that is taking the spontaneity out of parenting.
Ban boring televised debates between two leaders and put them to a real life test.
Before we let Kevin Rudd or John Howard impose any more we-know-better-than-you rules on families, they should have to try to battle with the problems their rules have already caused.
Let's run the election campaign like a reality TV show.
Instead of touring the country making staged policy announcements, John Howard and Kevin Rudd should each be put in a suburban home with two kids for five weeks.
Hidden cameras can show the voters how they manage the family budget with child care fees of $90 a day and subsidies of just $4.57 a day.
Every morning they will have to come up with a packed lunch that's not only healthy but complies with the school's nut-free, seed-free, taste-free allergy policy and yet is still eaten by the children.
They'll have to work out how to fit in exercising the dog and the kids while getting the kids to school without straying on to school grounds.
They'll have to juggle working overtime with the massive penalties for picking your kids up late from childcare and still get home in time to cook a healthy meal.
They'll have to figure out how to entertain the starving and exhausted kids who aren't allowed to watch television or play on the computer and can't go to the local park because it has been stripped of its play equipment because of public liability risk.
And, before they can creep exhausted into bed, John and Kevin will have to find a non-existent product which will kill nits and spend an hour of quality time combing lice out of the childrens' hair.
Only when they can do all this do they deserve the right to impose more new rules on us.
Allelujah Amen. The Osbornes, Big Brother and all the other reality shows will be running for cover as Australian parents take revenge against meddling politicians and Nanny State bureaucrats.
