Strip Tease with a Twist Ha Ha

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Police Make Arrest in Green Custard Probe

via news.bbc.co.uk

I can see another use for green porridge now. 

And as for a Green Porridge Probe, that would be a spurtle.

And where were was the security in the first place? Come on PC Plod. Perhaps it was a set up?

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You know you are from Adelaide if...

You meet people at the 'Malls Balls'

You consider 40 degrees to be a bit warm

You drink Farmer's Union Iced Coffee

You drink Coopers

And you know It's the best beer in the world

You've been to the brewery lights's

You've eaten a Balfour's frog cake

You know that a Berliner is something you eat

You like YoYo biscuits

You grew up on Fritz & sauce sangas

You know it's a 'yiros', not a 'kebab'

You can drink SA tap water without noticing any unpleasant flavours

You've been to the Pancake Kitchen (open 24 hours)

You call the corner store a 'deli'

You pronounce graph as 'grarph', plant as 'plarnt' and dance as 'darnce'

You know that Victor Harbor is the only place to be for Schoolies.

You went to school camps as the Red Shield Aquatics Camp in Victor Harbor

You know where 'Porta Gutta' is

You have been to the club formerly known as Heaven at least once (and you were under 18).

You have been to Flashdance at HQ at least once

You've started the night on the East End then drunkly walked through Rundle Mall in the early hours to get to the West End (or vice versa)

You know that there's more than one way to have a good time on Hindley Street

Pints are the big beers

After a big night you've ended up at 'The Cas'

You've been to the museum on 5 different school excursion but never returned as an adult

You've been to the St. Kilda playground

You miss Magic Mountain at the bay

You know that 'the bay' is Glenelg

You would never swim at Glenelg because it's gross

You have been to Glenelg and got extremely sunburnt

You know the state floral and fauna emblem (but just in case it comes up at a quiz night)

You still call AAMI Stadium, ' Footy Park '.

You support the Crows/the Power

And you'd rather give up your first born than see the other team win the flag

You know the South Australians invited the checkside punt

You have a very strong opinion on Lleyton Hewitt

You forgave the Chappells for the 1981 Underarm Incident purely out of South Australian patriotism.

Your 'sports gurus' are KG and Cornesy

You've never watched NRL

You've been to the Christmas pageant as a child and as an adult

You've lined up for more than half an hour to see Santa at the Magic Cave

You've bought something from the pie cart

You know what a pie floater is

You've eaten a pie floater

You can't go out without seeing someone you know

You shop at Foodland

You have a Hills Hoist in your backyard

You know the Hills Hoist was invented in South Australia as was wine casks, penicillin and the retractable seat belt

At least half of your neighbours were born before 1950

You can leave work at 5:15 and miss 'peak hour traffic'

Your definition of 'peak hour' traffic is more than 5 cars at a red light

You're always running late because the public transport system is so old

You know and love the sound the ticket machine makes on public transport

You feel like punching the next person who calls it the City of Churches

You walk past at least 5 churches on your way to work

Seeing a large, Aboriginal man walking around town in a leotard and gum boots in the middle of winter does not surprise you

You know his name is Johnny

You know who Stormy Summers is

You think the 'Tiser has no journalistic integrity whatsoever.... And yet you still read it every day.

You remember John Martin's

You've been on the Pop-Eye

You know the people out on the Torrens are either tourists or rowers. No one else would go near that water.

You know where beehive corner is

You hate the new tram

You think the Festival Centre is a wonder of modern architecture.

You've used the term 'minda' as an insult

A pale/palie is a Coopers Pale Ale

You've saved up your bottles and cans from a big night out, collected the 5c deposit and then used it to buy more beer

You know what a 'stobie pole' is

You say 'heaps good'

One of the first questions you ask a person is where they went to school

You have the same friends from high school

You don't like Victorians

They stole our Grand Prix

Your dads best friend friends next door neighbour knows some one in the Hells Angels that can get stuff.

You acknowledge that, while half of our state is uninhabitable, you know that it's still the greatest.

You console yourself that, despite all our faults, at least South Australia wasn't built by convicts.

You understood and laughed at this list

You live in South Australia

And you'll probably die here too

I have definitely been here too long. I had to say yes to a lot of these.

I am willing to answer questions in comments for slabs of paleys.

No Ho Ho Ho Yes Ha Ha Ha for Santas in Adelaide

Coming Soon to Adelaide?

With yesterdays Adelaide Christmas Pageant done and dusted we can move on to the Peace and Love blatent commercialism of Christmas with the arrival of Santa. Adelaide Santas have a more complicated politically correct agenda to contend with this year, with the term Ho Ho Ho banned by their politically correct employer, Weststaff.

The term "ho" is also American slang for a prostitute. "We were told it (ho) was a derogatory term for females and can upset people," said the Santa, who did not want to be identified publicly.

"As far as I'm concerned, a hoe is something you dig the ground with.

"I don't think you'll hear too many Santas saying `ha, ha, ha'."University of South Australia communications senior lecturer Dr Jackie Cook said any banning of "ho, ho, ho" was "nonsense".

"Can we use a garden hoe anymore? Do we have to remove that?" she said.

"Ho, ho, ho from Santa is going to be everywhere. It's going to be in books, on Christmas cards and kids are going to come across it sooner or later.

"You could say that `ha, ha, ha' was dangerous because it was always tied to the villains in movies and horror films."

Santa as the Joker?

And in case you were interested, Santa is on an Australian Workplace Agreement (AWA) with the following conditions.

The `ho, ho, ho' edict came as Santa's working conditions were also revealed. The Sunday Mail has obtained a copy of Westaff's "Santa Project" Australian Workplace Agreement.

The 15-page document stipulates, in part, that Santa will:

WORK on a casual basis and earn a base rate of $20.50 an hour.

GET a 10-minute paid toilet break during a four-hour shift and a 30 minute unpaid meal break if working 5.5 hours or longer.

BE AVAILABLE to work at any time on any day for the six weeks leading up to Christmas.

He must also maintain character at all times so as "not to raise any questions or complaints" from customers. His uniform and accessories must always be presentable.

Mr Jansz said the AWA passed the Federal Government's Fairness Test.

This sort of stuff makes me want to puke.