Our chickens first egg. Once they got going, they laid an egg daily.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
- So this baby seal walks into a club...
- A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
- A fellow goes to a restaurant and asks the waiter for a cup of coffee without cream. A few moments later the waiter returns and says, “Sorry, we’re all out of cream, it will have be without milk.”
- An out of work geophysicist goes into a McDonald’s to ask for a job. He fills out an application and as the manager reads it he says, “I know I'm overqualified but I can do the work and I need the job”.
The manager answers back “It’s not that, it’s just that most of our geophysicists have PhDs.”
The photographer is being held by the Uzbek Government for defaming Uzbekistan by publishing these photographs, considered to be non complimentary of the new modern vision of the leadership.
Clearly they are not interested in encouraging people to visit.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if the Rapture does not occur while my pet is alive?
It is certainly possible the Rapture will not occur any time soon. Like a thief in the night, we don't know the day or the hour of His coming. It's been over 2,000 years already, and it could be hundreds more. Or it could be tomorrow. By registering your pets with After The Rapture Pet Care, you'll have peace of mind knowing that IF the Rapture does occur soon, your pets won't be left alone in a locked house, a fenced yard, or your car. If your pet passes away, we ask that you let us know so we won't be looking to rescue pets that don't need rescuing.
Who are these Volunteer Caretakers and how do I know they'll take good care of my pets?
Carol seeks out non-Christian animal lovers because Christians will not be on the Earth after the Rapture. Most Volunteer Caretakers fit this description:
* They are atheist or another non-Christian religion.
* They love animals enough to register with us even though they do not believe there will be a Rapture (or are agnostic about it).
* They are not paid, so they are not signing up simply to make a quick buck. In fact, they've agreed to care for the pets they rescue as their own, including being financially responsible for them.
* We match Volunteer Caretakers by location and the types of pets they wish to care for. Some Volunteer Caretakers will care for any type of pet, while others express interest in only caring for particular animals, such as only dogs or only cats.
* They have agreed to seek out other Volunteer Caretakers to help them with our mission if the Rapture occurs. Each Volunteer Caretaker will be given access to our database of animal shelters and other animal rescue groups so they can quickly find other animal lovers to help rescue your pets.
Can I contact the Volunteer Caretakers in my area?
We have promised our Volunteer Caretakers we will keep their information strictly confidential. If they thought their information would be given out, or that Christians might try to pressure them to become Christians, they simply would not sign up.
Isn't the world going to be totally collapsed after the Rapture?
When all the Christians on the planet disappear, there will certainly be massive confusion. However, the majority of people will still be on earth, and communications will be their first priority to maintain. Therefore, I believe it will not be a problem to coordinate activities to rescue and care for your pets. As far as the data about all registered pets, it is located on Google servers (the most secure servers in the world) as well as our own server in Lansing, Michigan (away from political and military hot spots to minimize chance of destruction if there is a post-Rapture war). The non-Christian administrators assigned to coordinate our efforts after we're gone are also located in multiple locations, all with log in information.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Filed under: Humour | Tagged: self improvement college coursesSELF IMPROVEMENT CLASSES NOW AVAILABLE BELOW IS A PARTIAL LIST OF CLASSES BEING OFFERED THIS SPRING 1. SELF IMPROVEMENT BELOW IS A PARTIAL LIST OF CLASSES BEING OFFERED THIS SPRING 1. SELF IMPROVEMENT Creative Suffering Overcoming Peace of Mind Guilt Without Sex Ego Gratification Through Violence Creative Depression Whine Your Way to Alienation How to Overcome Self Doubt Through Pretence and Ostentation A New Drug to Enhance Your Social Life 2. BUSINESS AND CAREER Money Can Make You Rich. I made £100 in Property Career Opportunities in Afghanistan How to Profit From Your Own Body The Underachievers Guide to Very Small Business Looters Guide to British Cities Growing Grass For Fun and Profit Small Scale Oil Drilling in the Falkland Islands Passport Forgery for Secret Agents (Applicants must hold British Passport) Security Guard Training for Papal Visit* (Includes Self Flagellation for Beginners) *Please do no not apply if gay, female or prone to suffocating ill friends with pillows. 3. HOME ECONOMICS How You Can Convert Your Family Room Into a Garage 1001 Other Uses For Your Vacuum Cleaner Burglarproof Your Home With Concrete The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity How to Convert a Wheelchair Into a Beach Buggy Christianity and the Art of RV Maintenance 4. HEALTH AND FITNESS Creative Tooth Decay Exorcism and Acne The Joys of Hypochondria High Fibre Sex Biofeedback and How to Stop it. Skate Yourself to Regularity Tap Dance Yourself to Social Ridicule Optimum Body Functions 5. CRAFTS Self-Actualization Through Macrame How to Draw Genitalia Needlecraft for Addicts Origami for Self Defence
Anatoly Zenkov provides this nifty tool (Mac and PC) to track your mouse pointer. Really simple. Just start it, let it run, minimize the window, and carry on as usual. In the end, you get this image that looks something like a Pollock. Circles show areas where the pointer didn't move while the tracks show movement.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Star Trek fans, prepare to be disappointed. Kirk, Spock and the rest of the crew would die within a second of the USS Enterprise approaching the speed of light.
The problem lies with Einstein's special theory of relativity. It transforms the thin wisp of hydrogen gas that permeates interstellar space into an intense radiation beam that would kill humans within seconds and destroy the spacecraft's electronic instruments.
Interstellar space is an empty place. For every cubic centimetre, there are fewer than two hydrogen atoms, on average, compared with 30 billion billion atoms of air here on Earth. But according to William Edelstein of the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore, Maryland, that sparse interstellar gas should worry the crew of a spaceship travelling close to the speed of light even more than Romulans decloaking off the starboard bow.
This is sort of why Santa is a myth.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
A man with an eye for the ladies whose reputation was the stuff of legend in London's pubs, he was once called to a Soho club where a stripper had become entangled with a boa constrictor which would not let go. Seeing the girl's predicament, he ordered the curtains to be closed. He then pulled out his lighter and applied the flame to the rear of the snake, which promptly released its hold. As the curtains were pulled back the audience applauded, and the manager rewarded him with a year's free membership and paid his bill (eventually).
Monday, February 15, 2010
I always thought that the national dish of a country (or region) wouldn’t be something decided by popular vote (which is proving itself a useless way to decide anything – I’m looking at you Cheesybite), but would be a reflection on our actual eating habits. If the top three dishes in this survey are consumed at a level of excess, Australia can look forward to a healthy does of heart disease and high cholesterol caused by a diet rich in saturated fats and whatever else is in a meat pie or the humble snag (but don’t take my word for it, I’m not a doctor or a scientist).
Sunday, February 14, 2010
GROSSLY overweight, out of condition and addicted to junk food. This year's Biggest Loser contestants were a sorry bunch when their weight loss ''journey'' began screening a fortnight ago. Many tipped the scales at more than 170 kilograms.
Now, just weeks after taking up exercise, participants in Channel Ten's hit weight loss show are preparing for a marathon.
In a move that has horrified sports physicians, contestants will tackle the gruelling 42 kilometre road race after only 11 weeks of training.
The marathon is expected to provide a dramatic end to the show's fifth series as all eliminated contestants will be eligible to compete, the two fastest finishers re-entering the game for one last chance at the Biggest Loser title and its $200,000 prize.
Health experts have warned the inexperienced participants risk a heart attack or long-term health problems if they attempt a distance roughly equivalent to running from Melbourne to Frankston.
Sports medicine expert Peter Brukner said to safely prepare for a marathon they should be training for up to a year.
''All these people are obese, presumably a lot of them have got cardiovascular risk factors, high cholesterol, smoking, high blood pressure … There is a risk of an acute cardiovascular event like a heart attack … The thought of them going from nought to a marathon in 11 weeks is just crazy,'' Dr Brukner said.
Shannon Bourke, the show's heaviest contestant at 214 kilograms, collapsed attempting a four-kilometre run in the first challenge of the series. Doctors discovered the Epping man had fractures in both legs and possible shin splints.
Victorian Institute of Sport medical co-ordinator, Dr Peter Harcourt, warned that attempting a marathon without appropriate preparation could lead to musculoskeletal problems, inflamed joints and acute stress fractures, particularly if runners were overweight.
The concerns come amid allegations that the show's producers are misleading viewers by claiming contestants have lost up to 17 kilograms in a week. There are fears viewers may try to emulate the results instead of aiming for healthy weight loss, considered to be between 0.5 and one kilogram per week.
Dr Leon Massage, who runs a private weight loss clinic, said he had treated a former Biggest Loser contestant who told him weigh-ins - presented on the show as weekly events - could actually take place several weeks apart.
''I think they're trying to impress the audience with the degree of weight loss … They create unreal expectations for the people who are watching it who think that it [weight loss] is weekly … I can't imagine that someone would lose 17 kilos in a week without doing damage to themselves,'' Dr Massage said.
When asked by The Sunday Age if weigh-ins were conducted weekly, the show's executive producer Richard Campbell said: ''I don't want to comment on that.''
Channel Ten has promoted the show's fifth season as one that helps not only contestants but also viewers lose weight through weekly ''Masterclass'' episodes in which healthy eating and exercise tips are provided.
But the network has come under fire for an episode last week in which Victorian Caitlin Bottrell - who had a starting weight of 179 kilograms and was said to have lost 15 kilograms in her first week - vomited three times while training with NSW rugby union team the Waratahs.
Cheering her on, Biggest Loser trainer Michelle Bridges was filmed saying: ''I pay respect to anyone that can puke, get up and get on with it.''
Dr Massage believes it set a dangerous example. ''It's a disgrace. The aim of exercise is not to get them sick and make it painful. If you are [vomiting] your body's telling you something … I'm concerned that [viewers] may be led to believe that there is a necessity to exercise themselves to exhaustion or potentially do harm to themselves in order to succeed.''
Mr Campbell insisted no one will be forced to take part in the marathon, which he said would take place in the 11th or 12th week of the 12-week series.
The remaining competitors won't be required to take part to stay in the game but can compete if they wish. Only eliminated players will need to place well to have a shot at the finale.
Channel Ten says the show began filming in October, which means the marathon should have been in January - after 12 weeks. But a spokeswoman said the marathon had not yet been run, suggesting the ''12 week'' program may stretch longer in reality.
Southern trees bear strange fruit
Blood on the leaves
Blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees
Pastoral scene of the gallant south
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
The scent of magnolia sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh
Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
for the rain to gather
for the wind to suck
for the sun to rot
for the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop
Saturday, February 13, 2010
ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME
WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,
AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:
1. My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life.
2. I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
3. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
4. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.
5. I thought that I could love no other
-- that is until I met your brother.
6. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.
7. I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
8. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
9. My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
10. My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING
Peter Ampt, a lecturer in natural resource management at the University of Sydney and a kangaroo meat advocate, said that while some vegetarians loved red meat, they could not justify eating animals that had been poorly treated.
Kangaroos were fair game because they roamed free and were killed humanely with a single shot to the head. The animals were also in plentiful supply, ate only native vegetation and contained no chemicals, he said.
"These people were vegetarians for environmental and ethical reasons, but the more they learned about kangaroo the more they realised it satisfied their ethical and environmental concerns," Mr Ampt said.
"They started eating kangaroo and loved it, then they coined the phrase kangatarians, it was a bit of a joke initially."
Kangaroos emit a fraction of the methane produced by sheep and cows, making them a much better choice for the climate-change conscious, Mr Ampt said.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Mr Morrison, who died this week at age 90, called his earliest flying disks "Whirlo-Way" and "Pluto Platter," to capitalise on the flying saucer craze of the 1950s.
But it wasn't until he licensed the invention to the Wham-O Manufacturing Co. in 1957 that sales took off. Wham-O rechristened the disks Frisbees and removed the flying-saucer-like portholes. Sales eventually reached the hundreds of millions, making it one of the most popular toys of the 20th century.
In the 1960s, the Frisbee became identified with the counter-culture and with movie stars like Richard Burton and Julie Andrews, who affirmed they were fans. The disks even inspired new sports, including Frisbee Golf and Ultimate.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Cashmere, one of the softest and most prized materials, has been used to add an extra layer of extravagance to the sheets of paper, ensuring consumers enjoy the bottom line in comfort.
The loo rolls have gone on sale in Waitrose, the supermarket with a legion of loyal and discerning middle-class customers.
The supermarket won't reveal quite how much cashmere goes into each roll, but insists it is a "significant" amount. No cashmere fibres themselves are included in the manufacturing process. Rather, the paper is covered in oil extracted from the hairs of the cashmere goat.
Carla Smith, buyer for Waitrose, said: “Cashmere provides that stamp of quality to any fashion garment from a designer suit to the finest luxury knitwear. It’s indulgent, it’s stylish and it’s helping provide that extra softness to our new premium bathroom tissue collection.”
Google has sent a cease and desist letter to the operators of a Chinese search website whose logo bears a close resemblance to its own.
Goojje's home page is adorned with a Google-styled logo and the familiar paw print logo of China's top home-grown search engine, Baidu.
The website, whose name is a play on words with the final syllable "jje" sounding like the Chinese word "older sister," while the "gle" syllable of "Google" is pronounced like the Chinese word for "older brother," provides search and social networking services.
A Google spokeswoman said on Tuesday that the company has officially asked Goojje to stop copying Google's logo, which is protected by trademark.
And that is nothing compared to Stern Hu.
A guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says,
"Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says,
"If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep,
Not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch,
You'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Perhaps it is its special caffeine-and-sweet-wine recipe, which allows overly enthusiastic consumers to be tipsy and bouncy at the same time. Perhaps it is its array of snappy nicknames, including “Wreck the Hoose Juice” — hoose being a Scottish pronunciation of house — or its exotic provenance as the product of wine-making Benedictine monks at an abbey in England.
Whatever the cause, Buckfast has emerged as a symbol of Scotland’s entrenched drinking problems at a time when it is urgently debating how to address them. “For a large section of the Scottish population, their relationship with alcohol is damaging and harmful — to individuals, families, communities and to Scotland as a nation,” the Scottish government said in a recent report.
Buckfast does not seem to help. In a survey last year of 172 prisoners at a young offenders’ institution, 43 percent of the 117 people who drank alcohol before committing their crimes said they had drunk Buckfast. In a study of litter in a typical housing project, 35 percent of the items identified were Buckfast bottles. And the police in the depressed industrial district of Strathclyde recently told a BBC program that the drink had been mentioned in 5,638 crime reports between 2006 and 2009 (the bottle was used as a weapon in 114 of them).
A spokesman for J. Chandler & Company, which distributes the drink, said that Buckfast accounted for less than 1 percent of the alcoholic beverage market in Scotland and was being unfairly singled out. Nor, he said, is wine-making a sign that the monks of Buckfast Abbey have strayed from the teachings of St. Benedict, an accusation recently leveled by an Episcopal bishop.
“It’s always wise to remember that Jesus turned water into wine,” the spokesman, Jim Wilson, said in an interview.
'Jogging, swimming, pumping iron's a waste of time' - Fitness - Health & Fitness - Life - The Times of India
Researchers at the University of London found that nearly 20 per cent of people who follow regular aerobic exercise
did not gain any significant health benefits which are determined by our genes and can vary substantially between individuals.
Principal investigator James Timmons, from the Royal Veterinary College, said other ways of keeping healthy, such as improving diet or taking medication, may work better.
“We know that low maximal oxygen consumption is a strong risk factor for premature illness and death so the tendency is for public health experts to automatically prescribe aerobic exercise to increase oxygen capacity,” the Telegraph quoted Dr Timmons as saying.