Latest Australian Tourist Advert

I have been here for five years now and no bites yet.

Lara Bingle, where the bloody hell are you?

Thanks Absolutely True

Abu the Maggot Mullah Crawls Out

Indonesia today announced a new anti tourist strategy recently with the appointment of Abu Bakar Bashir as Minister for Abusing Westerners.

In a talk given in October last year, Bashir urged his followers to “beat up” western tourists, whom he called “worms, snakes and maggots”, The Australian reported today.

Why Australians would holiday in that country is a little beyond me. If ever there was a worm snake or maggot, it is him.

Garden Gnome Snake Smuggling Scam Busted

An evil group of Garden Gnome's plans to smuggle Australian snakes and lizards into Australia from the UK has been thwarted by the Australian Quarantine Service. In a strategy similar to drug smugglers swallowing drugs before flying, the gnomes ingested the snakes for the long flight.

Police are looking for a pale female ringleader, thought to be behind the gang. The gnomes are expected to receive a sentence of neglect in high security suburban Australian gardens.

Talk to the Cute Little Animals

With the world getting over the death of the Crocodile Hunter, and after a scary summer of hungry sharks around our beaches, some reminders of the dangers of working around animals.

Yesterday a vet had his arm bitten off by a sick alligator he was trying to cure. Today an Argentinian Zoo Keeper died after being mauled by an ant eater and the most recent violation of the bond between man and the animals is a savageing for a teenage surfer in Western Australia by a sea lion. A very rare occurrence by all accounts.

And finally a man has died after being bitten by a poisonous snake while looking for scorpions in rural Victoria. I mean, what was he doing looking for Scorpions. What did he expect.

Obviously there are some communication issues here. Where is Doctor Dolittle when you need him. Why can't we just be friends?