CONSTITUTIONAL EXCLUSIVE: 50 WAYS TO WIN GOVERNMENT | Daily Telegraph Joe Hildebrand Blog

via blogs.news.com.au

Both Labor and the Coalition claim they have the right to form Government under Australia’s complex constitutional conventions. However in yet another extraordinary exclusive, the Joe Hildebrand Blog can reveal there are a number of criteria to decide who has the mandate to seek a majority in Parliament...
1 The party that has the most seats
2 The party that has the highest primary vote
3 The party that has the highest two-party preferred vote
4 The party that has the highest two-party preferred vote in the highest number of seats
5 The party that has the highest MPs (ie. the Greens)
6 The party that runs the best focus groups
7 The focus groups that run the best party
8 The focus groups that host the best party
9 The party with the most women
10 The party that picks up the most women
11 The party that wins Eden-Monaro
12 The party that wins Lindsay
13 The party that wins Lindsay Lohan
14 The party that finds Lindsay Lohan
15 The party that has a plan for the future
16 The party that has an action contract with the Australian people
17 The party that has a contract out on the Australian people
18 The party that can offer the most stability
19 The party that can offer the most money
20 The party that can offer its costings
21 The party that can cost its offers
22 The party that can stuff its coffers
23 The party that can stuff the coppers
24 The party backed by Marius Kloppers
25 The party that can tell the best joke
26 The party that has the most jokes*
27 The party that has the most blokes
28 The party that bums the most smokes
29 The party that snorts the most coke
30 The party with the most conservatives
31 The party with the most reds
32 The party with the most redheads
33 The party with the most deadheads (ie. the Greens)
34 The party with the best policies
35 The party with the most policies
36 The party with the best plan
37 The party with the best people
38 The best party
39 The Peter Best party
40 The Ringo Starr party
41 The Birthday Party
42 The third party insurance party
43 The arty-farty party (ie. the Greens)
44 The party in the house
45 The party in da house
46 The party with the numbers in the house
47 The party with da numbers in da house (ie. the Greens)
48 The party with the highest principles
49 The party with any principles
50 Any party
*Laurie Ferguson counts for two

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Flying Scotsman from Pathe

SPEED BOAT FLYING SCOTSMAN (aka SPEEDBOAT V FLYING SCOTSMAN)

Item title reads - Speedboat v Flying Scotsman. Mr J. W. Shillan - famous motorboat racer, practices daily over 2 miles stretch of the River Ouse with L.N.E.R's expresses as competitors. Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire.

L/S of the motorboat racing along the river next to the railway line, the camera follows it. M/S as the train speeds along and the boat keeps up, various shots as smoke fills the screen. M/S of the water streaming out behind the boat, Mr Shillan sits in the front with another man. Various shots as trains speed along, the motorboat races along beside them in the river.

Things are Looking Up Around Here

Brit Clouds

From That Famous Paper that Shows Naked Girls on Page 3.

Drunk Savignon Blank Adled Baboons terrorise Snooty South African Suburbs

Groot Constantia, in the heart of Cape Town's wine country, can deal with inebriated holidaymakers – but it is invading baboons which have developed a taste for its grapes that the wine makers are struggling with.

Each day, dozens of Cape Baboons gather to strip the ancient vines – the sauvignon blanc grapes are a particular favourite – before heading into the mountains to sleep. A few, who sample fallen fruit that has fermented in the sun, pass out and don't make it home.

 

"They are not just eating our grapes, they are raiding our kitchens and ripping the thatch off the roofs. They are becoming increasingly bold and destructive," said Jean Naude, general manager at the vineyard, which is celebrating its 325th birthday this year. Guards banging sticks and waving plastic snakes have been deployed with only limited success, and not even a blast of a vuvuzela, the plastic horn made famous at the World Cup, seems to frighten them. 

How come they didn't hook up with English soccer fans during the World Cup?

Nick Drake - Pink Moon

One of the greatest songs. I picked up this album completely at random in Philadelphia when I visited in the 90s. Played it so many times. What a haunting and beautiful voice. Nick died very young, but left an amazing legacy of music.

Keep on the Sunny Side of the Street - June Carter Cash

Good advice.

Cowboy Junkies - Blue Moon

Just because it is lovely.

Photo Hunt: Framed

Some windows framed in metal with some interesting patterns.

The Albion Battleship Calamity

THE ALBION BATTLESHIP CALAMITY
by William McGonagall
'Twas in the year of 1898, and on the 21st of June,
The launching of the Battleship Albion caused a great gloom,
Amongst the relatives of many persons who were drowned in the River Thames,
Which their relatives will remember while life remains.
The vessel was christened by the Duchess of York,
And the spectators' hearts felt light as cork
As the Duchess cut the cord that was holding the fine ship,
Then the spectators loudly cheered as the vessel slid down the slip.
The launching of the vessel was very well carried out,
While the guests on the stands cheered without any doubt,
Under the impression that everything would go well;
But, alas! instantaneously a bridge and staging fell.
Oh! little did the Duchess of York think that day
That so many lives would be taken away
At the launching of the good ship Albion,
But when she heard of the catastrophe she felt woebegone.
But accidents will happen without any doubt,
And often the cause thereof is hard to find out;
And according to report, I've heard people say,
'Twas the great crowd on the bridge caused it to give way.
Just as the vessel entered the water the bridge and staging gave way,
Immersing some three hundred people which caused great dismay
Amongst the thousands of spectators that were standing there,
And in the faces of the bystanders, were depicted despair.
Then the police boats instantly made for the fatal spot,
And with the aid of dockyard hands several people were got,
While some scrambled out themselves, the best way they could--
And the most of them were the inhabitants of the neighborhood.
Part of them were the wives and daughters of the dockyard hands,
And as they gazed upon them they in amazement stands;
And several bodies were hauled up quite dead.
Which filled the onlookers' hearts with pity and dread.
One of the first rescued was a little baby,
Which was conveyed away to the mortuary;
And several were taken to the fitter's shed, and attended to there
By the firemen and several nurses with the greatest care.
Meanwhile, heartrending scenes were taking place,
Whilst the tears ran down many a Mother and Father's face,
That had lost their children in the River Thames,
Which they will remember while life remains.
Oh, Heaven! it was horrible to see the bodies laid out in rows,
And as Fathers and Mothers passed along, adown their cheeks the tears flows,
While their poor, sickly hearts were throbbing with fear.
A great crowd had gathered to search for the missing dead,
And many strong men broke down because their heart with pity bled,
As they looked upon the distorted faces of their relatives dear,
While adown their cheeks flowed many a silent tear.
The tenderest sympathy, no doubt, was shown to them,
By the kind hearted Police and Firemen;
The scene in fact was most sickening to behold,
And enough to make one's blood run cold,
To see tear-stained men and women there
Searching for their relatives, and in their eyes a pitiful stare.
There's one brave man in particular I must mention,
And I'm sure he's worthy of the people's attention.
His name is Thomas Cooke, of No. 6 Percy Road, Canning Town,
Who's name ought to be to posterity handed down,
Because he leapt into the River Thames and heroically did behave,
And rescued five persons from a watery grave.
Mr. Wilson, a young electrician, got a terrible fright,
When he saw his mother and sister dead-- he was shocked at the sight,
Because his sister had not many days returned from her honeymoon,
And in his countenance, alas! there was a sad gloom.
Her Majesty has sent a message of sympathy to the bereaved ones in distress,
And the Duke and Duchess of York have sent 25 guineas I must confess.
And £1000 from the Directors of the Thames Ironworks and Shipbuilding Company.
Which I hope will hope to fill the bereaved one's hearts with glee.
And in conclusion I will venture to say,
That accidents will happen by night and by day;
And I will say without any fear,
Because to me it appears quite clear,
That the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed.

---------------------------------------------
You can read this "Poetic Gem" online at
http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/poems/mpgalbion.htm

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Skywatch Friday

More skies here.

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Pretendatrin Drug Ad Parody - Everybody Deserves to be on Something

via youtube.com

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Tom Waits - Singapore

via youtube.com

We sail tonight for Singapore,
We're all as mad as hatters here
I've fallen for a tawny Moor,
Took off to the land of Nod
Drank with all the Chinamen,
Walked the sewers of Paris
I danced along a colored wind,
Dangled from a rope of sand
You must say goodbye to me
We sail tonight for Singapore,
Don't fall asleep while you're ashore
Cross your heart and hope to die
When you hear the children cry
Let marrow bone and cleaver choose
While making feet for children shoes
Through the alley, back from hell,
When you hear that steeple bell
You must say goodbye to me
Wipe him down with gasoline
'til his arms are hard and mean
From now on boys this iron boat's your home
So heave away, boys
We sail tonight for Singapore,
Take your blankets from the floor
Wash your mouth out by the door,
The whole town's made of iron ore
Every witness turns to steam,
They all become Italian dreams
Fill your pockets up with earth,
Get yourself a dollar's worth
Away boys, away boys, heave away
The captain is a one-armed dwarf,
He's throwing dice along the wharf
In the land of the blind
The one-eyed man is king, so take this ring
We sail tonight for Singapore,
We're all as mad as hatters here
I've fallen for a tawny Moor,
Took off to the land of Nod
Drank with all the Chinamen,
Walked the sewers of Paris
I drank along a colored wind,
I dangled from a rope of sand
You must say goodbye to me
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tom+waits/#share

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Spring has Sprung

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Sent from my Nokia phone
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ovi Mail: Making email access easy
http://mail.ovi.com

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Cloudy Day Today

Ye Ha I'm From the Banana Republic of Oz

Bob Katter is one of the small number of independents who will decide who will form government in Australia. He has some interesting agendas.

BOB KATTER, 65, INDEPENDENT, KENNEDY

Major issues: ethanol production, banning banana imports, smashing the Coles-Woolworths duopoly

DON'T be fooled by the befuddling turns of phrase - and occasional giggles - employed by this 65-year-old outback Queenslander.

Bob Katter's idiosyncratic manner belies a savvy political mindset nurtured in his days as a state minister under then premier of Queensland, Joh Bjelke-Petersen, in the 1980s.

Mr Katter started political life as a National. He defected in 2001 to become an independent - having already made the switch from state politics in 1993 to the federal arena in the sprawling north Queensland electorate of Kennedy.

The former insurance agent's bitter falling out with the Nats reflected regional voter disenchantment with major parties, particularly in relation to competition policy and loss of jobs.

Positioned adroitly as a Right-wing regional maverick, Mr Katter has never been troubled electorally in Kennedy by splitting from the Nats.

His outspoken views on agricultural protectionism and social conservatism resonate sharply with a constituency still pining for the certainties of the Bjelke-Petersen era.

He once said he loved crocodiles but only dead ones.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/features/federal-election/who-are-these/story-e6frfllr-1225908655267#ixzz0xOnLpEJs

Simon Smith and his Dancing Bear

Love this song.

Unfortunately this is what got me there.

Photo Hunt: Numerical

An old one. I give you two and two. That makes four.

Almost Royal Adelaide Show Time

The universe 'will expand forever', new Nasa study on 'dark energy' concludes - Telegraph

via telegraph.co.uk

Space agency researchers used the Hubble Space Telescope to “narrow in” on what they believe comprises the energy, which pushes our universe apart at ever-increasing speed.

Discovered it in 1998, astronomers have been unable to say what the mysterious force is, except that it is invisible and makes up a “large chunk of our universe”, or 72 per cent of its size.

Almost a quarter, 24 per cent, is thought to be "dark matter", which is also mysterious but easier to study than dark energy because of its “gravitational influence”.

The rest of the universe, a mere four per cent, is made of “the stuff that makes up people, planets, stars and everything made up of atoms”.

Yes we are very insignificant.

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Gee Up - I Can Stop Taking My Pills Now

via telegraph.co.uk

The drug has traditionally been used as an anaesthetic for animals and, in some cases, humans – but has also established itself as a nightclub favourite in recent years, where it is nicknamed Special K.
But studies have found it can treat depression within hours, even when years of alternative treatments have failed.
And the effects of just one dose can last up to 10 days.
Most antidepressant drugs currently available on prescription need several months or even years to take effect and must be taken everyday.
However, scientists discovered that rats given ketamine stopped displaying symptoms of depressive behaviour within hours of their first fix.
The drug was even shown to restore brain-connections damaged by stress.
A similar study conducted at the Connecticut Mental Health Centre also found 70 per cent of depressed patients who failed to respond to years of treatment on traditional antidepressants improved within hours of receiving a dose of ketamine.
Professor Ronald Duman, at Yale University, discovered that ketamine progresses through the nervous system in a different way to traditional drugs.
It follows a pathway that rapidly forms new synaptic connections between neurons, a process called "synaptogenesis".
Professor Duman hailed the potential of ketamine. He said: "It's like a magic drug — one dose can work rapidly and last for seven to 10 days."
Until now, ketamine's clinical use has been limited by the fact that it has to be injected and can cause hallucinations.
But it only needs to be used in low doses for depression.
George Aghajanian, co-researcher on the study published in the journal Science also warned that the drug needed further analysis and modification before it could be approved for general use.
He said: "The pathway is the story.
"Understanding the mechanism underlying the antidepressant effect of ketamine will allow us to attack the problem at a variety of possible sites within that pathway."
Glenn Garnham, a drug and alcohol counsellor for UK charity Admit voiced concerns over the study's findings.
He said: "Ketamine is a very addictive drug which is normally used on horses. I deal with many people who are addicted to ketamine and it affects their life in the same way as any other addiction does, leading to serious problems with health, money, friends and family.
"It is already very cheap and easy to become addicted to – approving it for medical use might remove some of its stigma and lead more people down the path of addiction."

I am game to give it a shot. Pills just don't do it for me.

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Foliage, Plants and Stuff in my Neighbourhood

Skywatch Friday

Topical Skywatch with the Australian Election Tomorrow, 21 August. This is our local Labor MP, who is likely to be reelected in the seat of Kingston in the Southern Suburbs of Adelaide. Posters like these adorn every light pole, stobie pole and public space. I can't vote, but hope the 14.5 million Australians registered to vote,  enjoy their civic duty. In Australia, voting is mandatory.

More Skywatchers here.

Somebody is following me

Bill Millin - D-Day Piper Armed with his Bagpipes, Skean Dhu and Kilt - Vale

Bill Millin, who died on August 17 aged 88, was personal piper to Lord Lovat on D-Day and piped the invasion forces on to the shores of France; unarmed apart from the ceremonial dagger in his stocking, he played unflinchingly as men fell all around him.

Millin began his apparently suicidal serenade immediately upon jumping from the ramp of the landing craft into the icy water. As the Cameron tartan of his kilt floated to the surface he struck up with Hieland Laddie. He continued even as the man behind him was hit, dropped into the sea and sank.

Once ashore Millin did not run, but walked up and down the beach, blasting out a series of tunes. After Hieland Laddie, Lovat, the commander of 1st Special Service Brigade (1 SSB), raised his voice above the crackle of gunfire and the crump of mortar, and asked for another. Millin strode up and down the water’s edge playing The Road to the Isles.

Bodies of the fallen were drifting to and fro in the surf. Soldiers were trying to dig in and, when they heard the pipes, many of them waved and cheered — although one came up to Millin and called him a “mad bastard”.

His worst moments were when he was among the wounded. They wanted medical help and were shocked to see this figure strolling up and down playing the bagpipes. To feel so helpless, Millin said afterwards, was horrifying. For many other soldiers, however, the piper provided a unique boost to morale. “I shall never forget hearing the skirl of Bill Millin’s pipes,” said one, Tom Duncan, many years later. “It is hard to describe the impact it had. It gave us a great lift and increased our determination. As well as the pride we felt, it reminded us of home and why we were there fighting for our lives and those of our loved ones.”

When the brigade moved off, Millin was with the group that attacked the rear of Ouistreham. After the capture of the town, he went with Lovat towards Bénouville, piping along the road.

They were very exposed, and were shot at by snipers from across the canal. Millin stopped playing. Everyone threw themselves flat on the ground — apart from Lovat, who went down on one knee. When one of the snipers scrambled down a tree and dived into a cornfield, Lovat stalked him and shot him. He then sent two men into the corn to look for him and they came back with the corpse. “Right, Piper,” said Lovat, “start the pipes again.”

At Bénouville, where they again came under fire, the CO of 6 Commando asked Millin to play them down the main street. He suggested that Millin should run, but the piper insisted on walking and, as he played Blue Bonnets Over the Border, the commandos followed.

More about his life here. 

New Viceroy for Australia?

via twitpic.com

It is interesting to me that Australians are so romantically linked with people with the powers derived from abroad. Why not move on? Become a Republic. Kick out the Wettin Windsors and become a real country.

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Out and About in the Adelaide Southern Suburbs

Cherry Blossom and a Bee

The Boy Who Likes to Fish From the Mouth of a Hippopotamus

The Boy Who Likes to Fish From the Mouth of a Hippopotamus, originally uploaded by ricko.

Some International Lamericks #dundeereallyisthatbad

There once was a man from Dundee,
Who molested an ape in a tree,
The result was most horrid,
All arse and no forehead,
Three balls and a purple goatee

A spry violinist from Rio
Seduced a young cellist named Cleo.
As he took down her panties
She said, 'No andantes,
I want this allegro con brio.'

There once was a gaucho named Bruno
Who said, 'There is one thing I do know.
A woman is fine
And a sheep is divine
But a llama is numero uno.'

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Minty Faith Enhancing Breath Spray

Maybe pollies could use this technique with swinging voters in the marginals.

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The Demon Drink - William Topaz McGonagall

Out damned scotch
> THE DEMON DRINK
> by William McGonagall
>
> Oh, thou demon Drink, thou fell destroyer;
> Thou curse of society, and its greatest annoyer.
> What hast thou done to society, let me think?
> I answer thou hast caused the most of ills, thou demon Drink.
>
> Thou causeth the mother to neglect her child,
> Also the father to act as he were wild,
> So that he neglects his loving wife and family dear,
> By spending his earnings foolishly on whisky, rum and beer.
>
> And after spending his earnings foolishly he beats his wife-
> The man that promised to protect her during life-
> And so the man would if there was no drink in society,
> For seldom a man beats his wife in a state of sobriety.
>
> And if he does, perhaps he finds his wife fou',
> Then that causes, no doubt, a great hullaballo;
> When he finds his wife drunk he begins to frown,
> And in a fury of passion he knocks her down.
>
> And in that knock down she fractures her head,
> And perhaps the poor wife she is killed dead,
> Whereas, if there was no strong drink to be got,
> To be killed wouldn't have been the poor wife's lot.
>
> Then the unfortunate husband is arrested and cast into jail,
> And sadly his fate he does bewail;
> And he curses the hour that ever was born,
> And paces his cell up and down very forlorn.
>
> And when the day of his trial draws near,
> No doubt for the murdering of his wife he drops a tear,
> And he exclaims, "Oh, thou demon Drink, through thee I must die,"
> And on the scaffold he warns the people from drink to fly,
>
> Because whenever a father or a mother takes to drink,
> Step by step on in crime they do sink,
> Until their children loses all affection for them,
> And in justice we cannot their children condemn.
>
> The man that gets drunk is little else than a fool,
> And is in the habit, no doubt, of advocating for Home Rule;
> But the best Home Rule for him, as far as I can understand,
> Is the abolition of strong drink from the land.
>
> And the men that get drunk in general wants Home Rule;
> But such men, I rather think, should keep their heads cool,
> And try and learn more sense, I most earnestlty do pray,
> And help to get strong drink abolished without delay.
>
> If drink was abolished how many peaceful homes would there be,
> Just, for instance in the beautiful town of Dundee;
> then this world would be heaven, whereas it's a hell,
> An the people would have more peace in it to dwell
>
> Alas! strong drink makes men and women fanatics,
> And helps to fill our prisons and lunatics;
> And if there was no strong drink such cases wouldn't be,
> Which would be a very glad sight for all christians to see.
>
> O admit, a man may be a very good man,
> But in my opinion he cannot be a true Christian
> As long as he partakes of strong drink,
> The more that he may differently think.
>
> But no matter what he thinks, I say nay,
> For by taking it he helps to lead his brither astray,
> Whereas, if he didn't drink, he would help to reform society,
> And we would soon do away with all inebriety.
>
> Then, for the sake of society and the Church of God,
> Let each one try to abolish it at home and abroad;
> Then poverty and crime would decrease and be at a stand,
> And Christ's Kingdom would soon be established throughout the land.
>
> Therefore, brothers and sisters, pause and think,
> And try to abolish the foul fiend, Drink.
> Let such doctrine be taught in church and school,
> That the abolition of strong drink is the only Home Rule.
>
>

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Jacqueline Du Pre - Elgar Cello Concerto

One of my favourite pieces of music. I want this played at my funeral.

Brainless slime mould makes decisions like humans

Tanya Latty and Madeleine Beekman from the University of Sydney, have found human style of decision-making in a slime mould, Physarum polycephalum. It’s a single-celled, amoeba-like creature that doesn’t have a brain (sort of like politicians?).
Physarum spends most of its life as a large mat called a ‘plasmodium’, which is a single cell that contains many nuclei. The plasmodium searches for food by moving along like an amoeba and sending out a network of tendrils. Its search patterns are very sophisticated for a brainless organism. A Japanese group found that if they placed the mould among food sources arranged like Tokyo’s urban centres, it created a network that closely resembled Tokyo’s actual railway system. The slimy network was optimised to transport nutrients to the main plasmodium.
Scientists have long since discovered that you can run simple decision-making experiments with Physarum by presenting it with several food sources and seeing how it behaves. Typically, the plasmodium touches all the potential meals and then either ‘decides’ to move towards one, or splits itself among many.”

But can if fill in expense statements.

Article.


Brainless slime mould makes decisions like humans

Photo Hunt: Orange

Lots of orange in the Nurturing Tree Tile Mural at the Noarlunga Health Precinct.

Tony Abbott IS Right Loading.......... #nbn

via tonyabbottisright.com

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Skywatch Friday

Lights in the car park at Noarlunga Centre, with a Magpie.

More nice skies at Skywatch Friday

Mohammad NOURI: Gole Maryam ___ محمد نوري: گل مريم RIP

Mohammad Nouri, one of the most recognized Iranian folk singers, has died after losing a marathon battle with a blood disorder.

Mohammad Nouri was born in 1929 in Tehran. His passion for music made him attend art school to start singing under instruction of leading mentors like Esmaeil Mehrtash.

Nouri also graduated from English literature as well as acting and theater in Tehran University. He perused his passion for music during his studies.

Nouri learned the vocal styles of singers from previous generations to better understand and perform the traditional repertoire.

He rose to prominence in the 1960s with his distinct style of singing and enjoyed four decades of popularity among Iranians of all generations.

He composed and sang more than 300 songs in 50 years. His song Jaan-e Maryam, as well as his patriotic song Iran, Iran are well known melodies among Iranians.

From PressTV

Afternoon Walk with Spotty