This seems as good a place as any to draft that memo to my army of minions. Let's see...
You ungrateful bunch of treacherous shits,
When I wrote to you last week updating you on a number of business issues I did not anticipate having to do so again so soon, but some cunt has gone and let the cat out of the bag. I admit it's my own fault; I should have paid Inspector Knacker more handsomely to keep a lid on the whole hideous affair. I can only say thank fuck I've still got the dirt on Cameron safely locked up in Rupert's HQ.
And the dirt on Rupert locked up at no. 10. Hee!
We were all appalled and shocked when we heard about these allegations yesterday. And if I find out that any of you has grassed me up, just bear in mind that I can very quickly make your life a living hell. It would be no trouble at all to have the lot of you branded a bunch of paedophiles and produce the evidence to prove it. Witness statements, photos, it's amazing what you can "discover" when you're in charge of the biggest media machine on the planet.
Our first priority must be to shred establish the full facts behind these claims. I have written to Mr and Mrs Dowler this morning to assure them News International will vigorously pursue the truth and that they will be the first to be informed of the outcome of our investigation. In unmarked notes in a large brown envelope.
More on the link. LOL