Monday, January 05, 2009

The Wearin' o the kilt

Mike Smith of Auld Reekie Rants has pulled together a great You know when you are Scottish when... list. A potted guide to Scottish culture if ever I saw one. Sounds like an oxymoron hower, Scotland and culture in the same sentence.

Anyway here are a few. I can identify with many of these despite having lived out of Scotland for almost 25 years.

Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a northerly wind is good weather.

The only sausage you like is square.

You have been forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school.

Aye = yes.

Aye right = not likely.

Auld yin = someone over 40.

Baltic =freezing.

You have an irrational need to eat anything fried with your supper from the chippy e.g. haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken.

You used to love destroying your teeth when you were young: Buchanan's toffees, tablet, Irn-Bru bars, Cola cubes, etc.

You have an enormous feeling of dread whenever Scotland play a diddy team.

You happily engage in a conversation about the weather.

and many more at Mike's site.

Every now and then I put on my Scottish dress outfit for company parties and the like here in Adelaide and in other parts of the world where I have lived and it is an amazing ice breaker. All the stereotypes come out and people who would not normally talk to you are happy to discuss all aspects of my heritage, not least, what we wear under my kilt. It is the only time when it is fair game to flash young ladies. That usually gets them to shut up.

The best reaction was when I wore a large fake penis that my wife had fashioned out of a stuffed stocking for a bad taste party. I wore it with a 60s, ladies bathing costume and a wig for the bad taste party. It got quite a reaction. I got an even better reaction when I wore it with my kilt.

It was very surprising, because not only do people not expect you to reveal your Scottish secret, but when you do and it is a monster it doubles the fun. People just had to touch it. The power of the truth about what Scotsmen wear under their kilts and a little bit of jelousy combine for a great reaction.

All good clean fun.

Talking of good clean fun, one of our local chip shops run by a nice Lebanese lady sells Deep Fried Mars Bars. Now all I need is for her to experiment with deep fried pizza and I can feel right at home.

Aye Right?


RobW said...

Good clean fun you say. Sounds like sexual harassment to me. I shall call the fun police immediately.

jmb said...

How come I was forced to do Scottish country dancing every year when I was in high school too? Even in OZ. Probably because we did not have much gym equipment.

Colin Campbell said...


Because it is wholesome and useful later in life.


I will be sure to tone it down most of the time.

Jayne said...

Your post reminded me of this classic song lol.

Anonymous said...

The Scots are the only people who can turn two positive statements into a negative one. Aye. Right.

River said...

Square sausage???

Nunyaa said...

So how long was the stocking?

This gave me the laugh I needed :)

Colin Campbell said...

I will have to dig out the photo. Way longer than you would care to have anything to do with. Sort of is that a submachine gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me sort of length.

♥ Braja said...

Gee I don't know why, but none of that is making me wish I wasn't the only child out of 5 born in Australia to Scottish immigrants.... :)

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