Howard Government to Dissolve States

The Howard Government today announced plans to use their constitutional power to dissolve the states and to amalgamate all their functions into the Commonwealth Government. Treasurer Peter Costello, announcing the plan said that "We pay for all this stuff, so we want to run it." The states are single handedly driving interest rates through the roof and all the Premiers are closet muslim homosexual drug addicts." Mr Costello later denied that he had said the last part.

A national programme of town meetings similar to those used in Australias great friend, the United States will be used to decide local priorities. Local communities will be given the opportunity to propose vote buying public works and Commonwealth Pollsters will evaluate their likely electoral impact prior to the programmes being funded.

Communities will have to pledge allegience to the Coalition Government, in order to have their projects funded immediately.

Prime Minister and President Elect for Life, John Howard said that "the Australian people didn't want communists running the country and the way the polls were going it was incumbent on the government to make this radical move to protect individual rights in Australia. The states are bloody useless and we have to be sure that we support our cricket team in preparing for the defense of the Ashes in Blighty in two years time" Captain Sporty went on to say.

John Howard is 123 years old. Kevin Rudd was too busy fiddling with his Facebook Account and looking at his brand new spiffy web site to comment. Julia Gillard was also unavailable due to a hair appointment.