Who wants to be Millionaire?

And live in Zimbabwe?

If you did, then this humble millionaires residence wouldn't be bad. Unfortunately, a mean dictator lives here and has to be kicked out first. No wonder he is keen to hang in there.

And he is so humble as he disclosed in a recent interview.

How would you describe yourself in a few words?

"I feel I am just an ordinary person. I feel within me there is a charitable disposition towards others, just as I find charitable positions towards me from others. And I don't make enemies, no. Others may make me an enemy of theirs, but I make no enemies. Even those who might do things against me, I don't make them enemies at all. No."

Astonishing. Everyone in the country is a multi millionaire and (almost) everyone is miserable.



The government just issued a $50 million dollar note, which is just about enough to buy three loaves of bread.

I think I will stick with being a multi thousandaire.

Photohunt: Glass

Currently I prefer my glass full of South Australia's own Coopers Pale Ale.


I definitely prefer it full to empty.

photohunt

Job of the Day: Late Night Arctic Circle Kebab Salesman

Doing it tough in Longyearben is an Iranian, who is providing a valuable late night service to frozen drunks in the Arctic Circle.

How the native of hot and bustling Tehran went on to win the unofficial title of "world's northernmost kebab seller" comes down to the vagaries of early 20th century geopolitics.

Under a 1920 treaty, Svalbard is an international zone under Norwegian sovereignty that requires no tourist or resident visas. So when Norway rejected Ariaiwand's asylum application in 2003, he fled as far north as you can fly on a commercial flight - to this land of legal limbo.

When he arrived in Longyearbyen, the main settlement of about 2,000 people, he had no job or accommodations. Left behind on the mainland were his son, then 15, and ex-wife, who both won permission to stay in Norway.

Realising his stay could be a long one, he went into business last year as a kebab seller, opening The Red Polar Bear in his bright red truck parked on a public lot at the centre of tiny Longyearbyen.

I wonder if he also serves dessert? That and think of all the cold weather foof franchise opportunities. And also consider some of the geographies that this concept may work. And also diversification into polar bear burgers could be considered. The options are endless.

Being a refugee can be tough. I have moved countries many times, but my moves have been a lot easier than this Iranian refugee. My sister in law is Iranian and has managed to build a successful life in the UK after leaving Iran with her brother in the 1980s. Her barriers were a little less challenging than this guy.

Donating Online to the Homeless

The Big Issue taken to the next level for homeless people. Forget the Big Issue. Just go straight to Cash/Credit or Debit. Guilt free giving.

Non of the Will Work for Food baloney. Just Give.

Thanx Max

Happy Birthday Doris Day

What a fantastic singer. Born this day a few years ago. Happy Birthday Doris Day.

Too bad this song was appropriated by drunken football fans.

Alex the Flying Finn

No he is not a ski jumper.

Meet Alex Stubb, the new Finnish Foreign Minister. He makes Alexander Downer and Stephen Smith look a little stodgy.

Alex got the job when his much more dour looking predecessor was a bit too free and easy with texting cute girls.

Thanks Scottish Goss Master in Chief, Mr Eugenides

Coal Miners Rest Easy with Rudd Government Backing More Coal Power Stations

The Rudd Government has backed coal as a major long term player in Australia's energy mix.

New coal-fired power stations in Australia are inevitable and proposals to bury carbon dioxide emissions deep underground are essential if the country it is to tackle climate change, federal Resources and Energy Minister Martin Ferguson stated yesterday as he launched the world's first scientific demonstration of so-called carbon sequestration.

This involves pumping near-liquid carbon dioxide underground for permanent storage in geological formations such as dry oil and gas reservoirs.

The largely government-funded $40 million testing plant near Nirranda will pump carbon dioxide from a naturally occurring reservoir and then compress the gas and inject it 2km underground into an old oil and gas reservoir.

The CO2 will then be monitored for two years to assess the risk of leakages and the potential for the gas to corrode the porous rock that would house it beneath a layer of impermeable rock.

Nearby natural CO2 reservoirs are currently used as a source of CO2 to carbonate soft drinks.

Australia sources about 80 per cent of its electricity from coal.

"We must succeed on this front because Australia as a nation is heavily dependent on fossil fuels for energy," Mr Ferguson said. "Clearly there will be growth in renewables but we are a fossil fuel dependent economy and our major export is coal. In my opinion, we'll see at some point in the future new coal-based power stations in Australia. There is no alternative," the Minister said.

Look for happy news on renewables and the green light for more polluting "clean coal" power plants.

Thanks to the Australian.

Pet of the Day - Higgins the Pig

Our friend Joanne has an interesting pet which she inherited from her son, who had a very serious car accident. She got the pig because she is a Buddhist and vegetarian and was the most likely not to roast it.

Every day she prepares a meal like this for him. She has to go around bakers and vegetable shops and pick up supplies, cook up some past and lentils to keep in the style that he is accustomed. Two thirds of her very nice fridge is filled with his supplies.

Personally that is way too much. We could probably feed our whole family for a week with most of this food.

Spotty was extremely nervous when we went to visit last weekend. I am sure Higgins might have him for lunch. I am not sure how long I could share the love with a pig.

My personal ambition is to get a kangaroo or a wallaby. Very impractical. Perhaps we could rent one for a few weeks. I recently watched the Spike Milligan documentary made with the cooperation of his family. I loved his Australian connection and his friend with the steel bath that they lit a fire under who had kangaroos in the back yard. Now that would be stereotypically Aussie.

Update: Nunyaa will save you Higgins if things are looking barbacueish.

Can't say that I have ever considered this before

43%

I seriously doubt that I would do this. I hate the sight of blood and plucking chickens or deboning fish are beyond me. Besides I don't want to be known as Campbell the Cannibal.

Thanks Nunyaa, who is less likely to eat her friends.

April Fools Wrap Up

Chicken Yogurt had a classic for April Fools Day. Sufficiently credible to make you think, but with enough doubt to make you question it. I visited for the first time in a while, randomly yesterday. Very good.

From the BBC (so it must be true), we have a list of 10 shoulda been coulda been April Fools stories (but they're not). I didn't even participate other than to offer my son some "yucky" soup for breakfast.

It's here again, the day when jokers set out to make fools of the rest of us. But not every bizarre story is a hoax. Here is a round-up of some of the day's seemingly spoof news stories which are actually true (and one that isn't).

1. A new pay-per-view funeral service scheme is being launched today. The Daily Mail says the scheme at Southampton Crematorium allows mourners to grieve from home by watching proceedings online.

2. A turtle is addicted to nicotine. He became addicted after picking up the smouldering butts in his owner's garden, in Kouqian, China, and sulks if he doesn't get his fix. The Daily Express, which picked up the story from Chinese news agency Xinhua, includes a gob-smacking picture of the turtle doing a rather good impression of Dot Cotton.

3. The menopause is caused by the age-old battle between wives and mothers-in-law, reports the Times. As long as 50,000 to 300,000 years ago, competition for food in a family unit was a battle won by the younger women who fed their offspring, which led to the older women losing their ability to breed. With food hard to find, mothers-in-law tended to help rear the grandchildren rather than have more children themselves.

4. An injection that allows women bigger and better orgasms by increasing the size of the mysterious G-spot is being launched in the UK, says the Sun. The £800 collagen jab takes less than half-an-hour and is given under local anaesthetic.

5. School desks and chairs are to be enlarged to meet the needs of the UK's ever-heavier schoolchildren, reports the Express. On average British children are a centimetre taller than they were 10 years ago, and there are more obese youngsters, so desks supplied to UK schools will reflect this.

6. Wind turbines or solar panels built by UK companies anywhere in the world could count towards Britain's renewable energy targets under controversial government proposals, according to the Financial Times.

7. You will soon be able to have a tattoo on your teeth, reports the Sun. Steve Heward, the dentist who started the craze in the US plans to set up in Britain.

8. The traditional Chinese martial art T'ai Chi can help control diabetes, reports the Daily Mail. Apparently, researchers have found the flowing movements and deep breathing involved can result in a fall in blood sugar levels.

9. A thief walked out of a busy Norwegian aquarium with a crocodile that was over two feet long, says the Independent.

10. Drinkers have been banned from calling barmaids "love". An outraged Daily Star says new discrimination laws mean landlords that allow punters to chat up staff could be hauled before a tribunal and face unlimited fines.

And finally, a genuine spoof. Have you heard the one about the penguins that can fly? A BBC camera crew filming a colony of Adelie penguins were astonished when they did something "no other penguins can do" and took to the Antarctic skies.

You can see the flying penquins on the BBC website if you are in the UK.

More proof that life is stranger than fiction.

Scottish Politicians Huff and Puff Patriotically

Scottish politicians in Scotland have forced an enormous back down by their Scottish colleagues in Westminster.

Public buildings in Scotland will be allowed to fly the Saltire year-round following a government climbdown in response to pressure from nationalists.

UK ministers will this week announce the lifting of restrictions on flag flying that have been in force since 1924. The rules stipulate that the Union Jack must must take precedence over all national flags on 18 days each year.

Scottish government buildings with only one flagpole must take down the Saltire and replace it with the Union Jack on specified national days including the Queen's birthday, Remembrance Day and Commonwealth Day. The decision to give the Saltire equal status has been welcomed by the Scottish National party. “It's a recognition that we are in charge of our flag flying arrangements,” said a senior Scottish government source.

Wow! Important stuff. The Scots are now in charge of flag flying. Now that they have won the big one, how about fixing the roads?

My desk tells this story

Your Thinking is Abstract and Random

You are flexible, adaptable, and creative. There's many ways that you can learn - and you're up for any of them. You relate well to other people, and you do well working in groups. You can help people communicate together and work with each other's strengths. You don't work well with people who are competitive or adversarial. You prefer to work toward a common goal... not toward conflicting goals.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

The lady who works next to me is exactly the opposite to me in the way she goes about projects. Orderly and neat and deadline orientated.

I am disorderly, random, chaotic and intermittently deadline orientated. I amaze myself that I am still in consulting given this fatal flaw, given that deadlines are pretty important. I am very good at envisaging and framing a project and getting it kicked off. Also usually pretty hopeless at getting it completed on time or on budget. The other thing I hate to deal with is conflict and adverserial environments are a major productivity barrier.

Now it all makes sense

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you. You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations. You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

Liz's Diamond Do Cancelled Amongst Economic Doom and Gloom

The Queen (God Bless her soul) has voted with her feet and called the state of the UK economy as it is.

The Queen has cancelled a party to mark her diamond wedding anniversary because she felt it would be "inappropriate" to hold a lavish celebration with the country on the brink of recession.

Guests at the party, which was due to be held at The Ritz this weekend, would have been served champagne from crystal-studded bottles and dined off tablecloths covered with sparkling jewels.

But with her subjects facing rising bills and falling house prices, and the banking system paralysed by the so-called "credit crunch", the Queen has decided that the celebration would be regarded as insensitive.

Her highlighting of the dire state of the economy will not be welcomed by the Prime Minister, who faces daily reminders from his advisers that the electorate has lost the "feel-good" factor – and is punishing him for it in the opinion polls.

Doesn't she look glamorous.

Thanks The Daily Mail

Max Mosely Likes Kinky Sex

It seems that that upper class Brits like kinky sex and fast cars.

Max Mosley, one of the most powerful men in world sport, was under pressure to resign as boss of Formula One’s governing body last night after he was exposed enjoying a Nazi-style orgy with five prostitutes.

Jewish groups condemned the behaviour of Mosley, 67, whose father, Sir Oswald, was the leader of the British Union of Fascists and a friend of Adolf Hitler.

Mr Mosley was caught on video by the News of the World with five women in an underground “torture chamber” in Chelsea, where he spent several hours allegedly indulging in sado-masochistic sex.

The Oxford-educated former barrister, who is president of the Fédération Internationale de l’Automobile (FIA), reenacted a concentration camp scene in which he played the role of both guard and inmate.

Speaking in German and brandishing a leather whip, he beat the women after allowing himself to be subjected to a humiliating inspection for lice and an interrogation in chains.

It seems that since it is from the highly respectable News of the World, run by one of Adelaide's favourite sons, no further comment is deemed necessary.

Very amusing. There is nothing quite like a British sex scandal.

Hamburger Helper II Marks Ten Years

Another generation of Hamburger Helper is helping to save (or ruin) marriages all over the world.

Impotence Australia's president, Brett McCann, says: "We can keep going on with researchers saying men shouldn't be so focused on their penis, but we just are — that's the bottom line."

Speaking of the real somewhat culinary stuff, which I have not seen for years, I wonder if it is served off the bone? I see from the article that it was in the top three for top food fads of the 1970s in America. Scots would have been proud to have been associated with such a dull food product.

Pfizer claims around 1.8 billion erections have been stimulated at around $10 a pop since the blue bomber was introduced. And that does not include the gazillions of Viagra knock offs that clog up our email spam inboxes. I wonder if you can spice up spam with Hamburger Helper?

Onward.

Catastrophic Cleanup Plans in China

China is culling thousands of pets in a quest to present a clean and green image for their sporting visitors later in the year.

Thousands of pet cats in Beijing are being abandoned by their owners and sent to die in secretive government pounds as China mounts an aggressive drive to clean up the capital in preparation for the Olympic Games.

Hundreds of cats a day are being rounded and crammed into cages so small they cannot even turn around.

Then they are trucked to what animal welfare groups describe as death camps on the edges of the city.

Live Blogging Earth Hour

Sydney where it all started. Before and after shots.

7.40 Lights Out

7.45 Lights Still Out

OK I am just joking. I think that would defeat the purpose and intent of Earth Hour.

That said, it is easy to be cynical about Earth Hour, but I am encouraged by the short conversation that I had with my kids, who thought it was a jolly good idea and could we do it every day.

Increasing awareness, especially amongst young people has to make sense, especially since they are the generation who will really have to deal with it.

Ten minutes to go in Adelaide and all the lights are still out. Sponge Bob and the Fridge are the major power movers. Cold beer and quiet kids are a small sacrifice in the quest for the greater good.

7.55 Lights Still Off......


Enjoy whatever you did or are going to do without your lights.

*Switches Computer Off*

10.14 Lights still out

* Family sleeps*

Seriously that was stressful, with candles and kids. I was burned badly when I was little and open flame and kids make me nervous.

OK Power Producers, you can crank it up again. Let the carbon emissions flow (tomorrow).

We will be able to claim about 12 hours and feel environmentally virtuous for a week.

South Australia Water Prognosis. Grimmer and Grimmmer

In a week when we finally get some rain, it is depressing to see this and read this.

234km upstream of its now mud- and sand-choked entrance to the Southern Ocean, the river flowed proud and strong. People would ski and fish in the lagoon at nearby Walker Flat, on one of the Murray's most picturesque reaches.

Today, the waterhole is virtually dry. Lifeless gum trees stand like sun-scorched toothpicks on its banks, where the water used to be waist-deep. "I walked out the other day with waders into a metre of mud," said David le Brun, who operates night tours for visitors to Big Bend.

"For the people on the river, who live on it, it is devastating."

Nothing new, just the grim reality.

Very like the Colorado River just as it enters Mexico. Everybody else gets their dibs. South Australia gets the dregs.

South Australia, the water gringos of Australia.

Officer I have a Wombat up my bum!

This reminds me of all the gay jokes about gerbils as sex aids, but a little more out there.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court that on the afternoon of February 11 Cradock called the police communications centre, threatening to "smash the filth" if they arrived at his home that night.

When asked if he had an emergency, he replied "yes", Mr Stringer said.

On a second subsequent call to the communications centre, Cradock told police he was being raped by a wombat at his Motueka address, and sought their immediate help.

He called police again soon after, and gave his full name, saying he wanted to withdraw the complaint.

"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out," Cradock told the operator at the communications centre, who had no idea what he was talking about, Mr Stringer said.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all," Cradock then told the operator.

I mean wombats are pretty big. Imagine the psychological trauma for Australians if they woke up and spoke like New Zealanders. The humiliation. You can only imagine. Yes I know it is too much to comprehend.

From One of those Respectable Newspapers (so it must be true).

Ta Ta Shane

Shane Warne has retired from First Class Cricket to pursue a life of gambling, smoking, celebrity cricket, drinking, galavanting, getting rich, commentating, whatever.

I have only seen him once up close and personal. He was walking down North Terrace in Adelaide mobile phone glued to his ear. I wonder if he texted his resignation to Hampshire.

Ths Shane Ta Ta CU in th bar

What a great competitor and good luck with whatever you do next.

Photo Hunt: High

Ever since she was very little Hannah has loved to swing high. "Higher Higher Higher Daddy!" What are dads for if not to push their kids on swings?

photohunt

No Thanks Martin

Martin Coopers vision of the sim card implanted at birth with everyone having their own telephone number for life has failed to live up to his vision for the future.

When Martin Cooper invented the mobile phone 35 years ago, he envisioned a world with people so wedded to wireless connections that they would walk around with devices embedded in their bodies.

Cooper said he was so enthused after his first mobile call that he liked to joke that phone numbers would become so important that "when you were born you would get a phone number and if you didn't answer it you would die."

"The idea is that the phone number becomes part of you," said Cooper, who is also waiting for the day when he merely thinks about calling a particular person and the phone will automatically dial the number.

Great vision Martin, but thank goodness this has not come to pass.

When he made that first phone call in 1973, there were no commercial models. Now there are 3 billion. If only he had got a dollar a phone in royalties for each one.

Where I do agree with him is that they are way too complicated to use. I am completely flummoxed way too often with my current phone. Cooper reckons a phone that is lighter than the manual is a stupid design. I agree.

But what a vision.

"It was a really risky thing to do," said Cooper. "People thought I was crazy thinking about a phone you can just put in your pocket."

One of our friends was telling us recently that some of the early adopters were doctors, who would come onto the ward with their stethescopes and their mobile somewhat portable phone, complete with suitcase to hold the battery and the trolley to pull it around.

And they can be very annoying.

This new generation of loud ring tones has got to be one of societies blights.

Can you hang on a minute. I need to get this call.......

And finally even Cubans can have them. There really is no limits to their appeal. Perhaps we can get some decent ringtones.

Must Have List for Rednecks

The memories of my my many years in America come flooding back. They certainly have them here in Australia, but they are just not quite as stereotypical as these.

Thanks Crikey

Quick and Easy Gordon Ramsey Recipe

Call Me Back When You Have Some Money

Dumb robber gives out mobile phone number to prospective robbery victims who didn't have any money.

Too bad the cops were called first and were waiting when he came to rob a second time.

About as dumb as this guy

Sometimes the truth is more unbelievable than fiction.

Abu the Maggot Mullah Crawls Out

Indonesia today announced a new anti tourist strategy recently with the appointment of Abu Bakar Bashir as Minister for Abusing Westerners.

In a talk given in October last year, Bashir urged his followers to “beat up” western tourists, whom he called “worms, snakes and maggots”, The Australian reported today.

Why Australians would holiday in that country is a little beyond me. If ever there was a worm snake or maggot, it is him.

Did You See It?

I wonder if this is just a low level peripheral vision issue.

Thanks somebody.

Hypnoheister on the loose in Italy.

A hypnotising thief is making off with large amounts of dough by hypnotising shop clerks and bank tellers and raiding the till. Either this is a massive con or this guy is pretty clever.

Police in Italy have issued footage of a man who is suspected of hypnotising supermarket checkout staff to hand over money from their cash registers.

In every case, the last thing staff reportedly remember is the thief leaning over and saying: “Look into my eyes”, before finding the till empty.

Now nice reader, follow this watch and click on all my advertising widgets and come back tomorrow and the next day and do the same........

Thanks BogBrush

Origins of Sex in Outback South Australia

Apparently it all began in the Flinders Ranges about 570 million years ago.

Scientists believe they have discovered the earliest evidence of animal sex, between 30cm- long knobby tubular animals which lived on the then sea floor in the Ediacaran Hills within the Flinders Ranges.

Beating the previous record by 30 million years, the earliest known animals to have sex are now Funisia Dorothea, their exploits revealed this week in the international magazine Science.

Funisia Dorothea covered the seafloor of the region during the Neoproterozoic era, a 100-million-year period ending around 540 million years ago.

So sex evolved from nobby tubular animals on the sea bed to involving nobby tubular appendages on the bed. And that took over 500 million years. I wonder where it will go next?

The Former Mrs McCartney Goes Shopping

Heather Mills, the Imelda Marcos of the artificial limb gets going on spending her fortune.

Thanks Mr Eugenides who has some great jokes in the comments.

My biggest regret is that we can no longer tell the joke about Macca buying her a plane for Christmas, and a Ladyshave for the other leg.

Mrs. Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get. It's not like it's easy to walk out on a relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

What's the difference between Heather Mills and Northern Rock?
One has got 25 million quid, is a bit wobbly and fucks old people with lots of savings.
The other ones a building society.

I don't know why Heather Mills campaigns against landmines.
After all, she's only half as much at risk from them.

Following her divorce settlement, Heather Mills has announced she will be resuming her charity world tour.
She's going back to Peking.
Paul McCartney, meanwhile, has announced that he's going back to Wanking.

Enough enough I hear you say. I am sure that she is a nice lady and in fact plans to spend all the money on her charitable plans to emulate the late Princess Diana in the publics mind. And so it shall be. No further comment on this issue will be entertained on this blog.

Seems it wasn't the Milkman

MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Genelogy - Family history

Ian Grey put me on to this. You can also do a vanity test and compare yourself to celebrities. One of mine was Arnold Schwarzenegger. You can autopost from their website to Blogger and I assumed that when it didn't work, that it was just a flaw. Turns out that I posted them to James's site where I have posting rights. It is the first one on the dashboard. I will remember that next time. Anyway thanks for the hospitality James.

Our kids were definitely keen to arrive. Elizabeth only had to mention that maybe it was time to think about have children. We were in Singapore working and I was only just extricating myself from another marriage. I took her hormonal urge to mean that maybe at some point we would have children. Little did I know the power of that female instinct. It was probably about a month later that Elizabeth did a pregnancy test in my office bathroom, which gave an indication that Hannah would be coming into our life.

Ryan was another story. We had decided to wait another year when Hannah was one and Elizabeth was in Australia for six weeks. I was there for a week for part of the time and despite Elizabeth being sure that it was safe, it wasn't.

Anyway we are glad it all worked out. Our kids are so much part of our life now, it is hard to envisage one without them.

Hannah asked us last night if we thought we were lucky to have her and Ryan. I think that we are, but they are just as lucky to have us.

Top Sheep Shearers on Health Kick

The image of one of Australias toughest jobs is changing.

He occasionally wears a blue singlet and does one of the hardest jobs in the country, but the 32-year-old father of four has little else in common with the roistering, booze-swilling, bare-knuckle brawlers of outback legend such as Jack Foley, the shearer played by Jack Thompson in Sunday Too Far Away.

Mr Ferguson, who has spent the past two weeks shearing at Habnarey station, near Lightning Ridge in northern NSW, belongs to a new breed of Australian shearers who are well-paid, professional in their attitude and more interested in keeping fit than tying one on every Friday and Saturday night.

"The old generations have given the young generation a bad name in a way, because a lot of people think shearers are nothin' but alcoholics," the third-generation shearer from Surat in southern Queensland tells The Australian.

Watching these guys at the country shows, I am full of admiration. Tough hot work.

Photo Hunt: Metal

This is our new fence that we had installed recently. All metal.

photohunt

We've all had moments like this

Perhaps not in such a public spotlight. May the ground swallow me up now.

The look on the guys face is priceless. Public Humiliation Tour de Farce.

Thanks Cellobella