Monday, March 24, 2008

The Former Mrs McCartney Goes Shopping

Heather Mills, the Imelda Marcos of the artificial limb gets going on spending her fortune.

Thanks Mr Eugenides who has some great jokes in the comments.

My biggest regret is that we can no longer tell the joke about Macca buying her a plane for Christmas, and a Ladyshave for the other leg.

Mrs. Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get. It's not like it's easy to walk out on a relationship like this"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

What's the difference between Heather Mills and Northern Rock?
One has got 25 million quid, is a bit wobbly and fucks old people with lots of savings.
The other ones a building society.

I don't know why Heather Mills campaigns against landmines.
After all, she's only half as much at risk from them.

Following her divorce settlement, Heather Mills has announced she will be resuming her charity world tour.
She's going back to Peking.
Paul McCartney, meanwhile, has announced that he's going back to Wanking.

Enough enough I hear you say. I am sure that she is a nice lady and in fact plans to spend all the money on her charitable plans to emulate the late Princess Diana in the publics mind. And so it shall be. No further comment on this issue will be entertained on this blog.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations sir, my first latte splutter of the day.

That was obscene and tasteless and freaking awesome.

You rock my friend.

James Higham said...

Colin - you're cruel.

[he chuckles]

Nunyaa said...

As much as I don't like how Heather Mills portrays herself, the only one I found funny was the going down on bended knee. As bad as Diana jokes.

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

Can't abide the woman but this is a bit mean!

Wolfie said...

I think she deserves every cruel barb.

She's a bad woman.

Anonymous said...

As a US citizen who did not get the whole story daily, what exactly did Paul do that was so bad to her?

Colin Campbell said...

I don't think that the issue is with Sir Paul. More that people perceive her to be moderately unappealing, greedy and all over annoying money grabbing bitch. Other peoples words, not mine.

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