Recognise Yourself?

Hopefully Not!

Thanks The Mish Mash

Dumb Celebrity Quotes - Spot the Braincell

Many of these are old, but they are still funny.

# «Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything.»
- Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

# «I'm convinced the Beatles are partly responsible for the fall of Communism.»
- Milos Forman, Film director

# «When I'm a blonde, I can say the world is purple, and they'll believe me because they weren't listening to me.»
- Kylie Bax, Model/Actress, in Stuff magazine.

# «The internet is a great way to get on the net.»
- Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate

# «You guys, line up alphabetically by height.»
- Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach

# «I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada.»
- Britney Spears, on Blender Magazine (April 2004)

# «I think war is a dangerous place.»
- George W. Bush, Washington, D.C. (May 7, 2003)

# «I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.»
- Greg Norman, Golfer

«The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.»
- Dizzy Dean, explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series.

More dumb stuff here.

Don't Call Your Teddy Mohamed

A 54 year old British Teacher based in the Sudan has been charged with blasphemy, insulting Islam and inciting hatred and faces 40 lashes and a prison sentance and potentially the more serious charge of sedition for allowing the seven year old children in her class to name a teddy Mohamed.

As one commentator on the article in the Times put it.

This is yet another example of the ignorance and obscene nature of Islam. When will the West wake up, forsake political correctness and refuse to accept the backward nature of Islam? The fact that beating this woman with a cane is legal punishment demonstrates the true nature of Islamic doctrine. This type of behavior has no place in the 21st century.

Very sensitive and veangeful some of those Islamic types. It makes you wonder why people would want to go and work and help people in such nutty countries.

Scotland Inspires to Deceive

Scotlands new slogan Welcome to Scotland" eclipses the London Olympics Logo and the Australian Tourist Boards "Where the Bloody Hell Are You?" for sheer inane uninspired first impressions.

Ministers have come up with a "vibrant" new message to greet tourists arriving at Scotland's airports.

The new greeting, "Welcome to Scotland", will replace the previous slogan proclaiming Scotland to be "The Best Small Country in the World".

At least visitors will get it better than another welcoming slogan "Scotland. Pure Dead Brilliant." Are they talking about wearing the wrong colour football top late on a Saturday night in the wrong pub in Glasgow?

I mean how uninspired is that. And it only cost 100,000 pounds to implement. Excellent value. Morons.

Here are some alternative fee free suggestions.

I like these.

Welcome to Scotland. The worst is over.

"Whusky, fooba' fightin'

Scotland Chips For Tea. Chips on Shoulders.

Cardinal Abbott Set to Lie Low

Tony Abbott, self confessed Praetorian Guard to John "I'm History" Howard has not ruled out a run for the Liberal Leadership if it gets to the night of the long knives stage. Despite only managing to drum up 5 votes including his own, his political future seems to depend on the dwindling numbers of the John Howard Fan Club in the Liberal Party (Tony Abbott and ???) and even worse opinion polls for the Liberals. Talk about a catholic approach to politics. "Whip Me Whip Me"

Kevin and the Labor boys and girls must be quaking in their boots (Not!) at the thought of Tony Abbott at the dispatch box. Almost guaranteed to be worth 5 percent two party preferred. Praetorian sounds like a viscious dinosaur. I wonder if that is why it appeals to one of the many reasons John Howard is about to write his memoirs.

Hello Tony it is over. Get over it.

Get Ready to drink wine from Milk Cartons

Eco packaging has the potential to revolutionise the wine industry, with tetra packs, currently used for milk and juices being adapted for the wine industry. The all important carbon footprint is reduced by the dramatic weight reduction compared to bottles, making freight costs dramatically lower. They even claim a longer shelf life than the current box technology.

A century ago refrigeration transformed the beef industry, wiping out the tyranny of distance and giving Australian producers for the first time real access to global markets.

Now an innovative Australian export winery is using Swedish packaging technology to dramatically reduce its carbon footprint and tap into a wave of green consumer activism now sweeping Europe.

Up until now green-minded wine drinkers have had a choice between eco-friendly bag-in-the-box wine and heavy energy-intensive glass bottles. But it has really been no choice at all.

I wonder what the cork snobs will have to say about this. Will it have to be decanted before being served at the table. It looks a bit lowbrow, but very practical. One of the largest local business in our neighbourhood is a huge wine bottle manufacturing facility run by Owens Illinois. I wonder what they make of this incursion into their market?

Stating the Bleedin' Obvious - Australia has lots of solar power potential.

The big red blob over Australia, derived from study of satellite data confirms that Australia is a very good place to implement solar power technology. Why there is not more is beyond me.

University of NSW renewable energy expert Dr Mark Diesendorf said maps such as this not only helped companies interested in building solar power stations but illustrated the energy possibilities of the sun. "Australia has got lots of solar energy potential, and it's not doing enough to tap into that."

Dr Wes Stein, manager of the CSIRO's National Solar Energy Centre, said a 2001 study showed Australia had the highest average solar radiation of any continent. "We are a very good country to do solar energy projects."

The CSIRO hopes to start its own project, incorporating satellite data, to model in detail the spread of solar radiation across the country. "That would give us a very good idea of solar power available in Australia," Dr Stein said.

Amen to that.

Australia Swoons for Becks (Not!)

Becks and the LA Galaxy are playing Sydney tonight. It is a sure sign of how far football has to come here in Australia that it takes a meaningless game between two unimportant teams comprised of has beens and wannabees on the world stage to make it to prime time on the commercial channels.

All breathless razmatas and pure meaningless infootainment.

I am forced to watch Grumpy Old Men and The Bill. Woe is me. Actually I am going to bed.

Welsh Lady to be Australian Prime Minister

Early next month the first Welsh born Prime Minister of Australia will take on the role while Saint Kevin ( walk on water) Rudd goes to Bali to receive multiple blow jobs applause for ratifying Kyoto.

Julia Gillard, the Deputy Prime Minister, born near Barry in Wales and raised in Adelaide and a graduate of the same High School as my wife, will take on the role of Chief Aussie Leek Appreciator for a few days.

Onya Julia.

And Now for the Score

The Old PM's XI
J Howard c McKew b Hubris 0
P Costello stpd on wkt 0
M Brough c Pantsdown b Swing 0
M Turnbull lbw Pulpmill 12
M Vaile awb Scandal 0
A Downer b Ponce 0
P Ruddock b Disgrace 0
T Abbott c Foot b Mouth 0
B Nelson b Kovko 0
K Andrews b Astard 0
C Pyne b Joke 0
Sundries 1
Total 13


The New PM's XI
McKew c Huge b Smile 86
K Rudd c Brevity b F-cksake 07
J Gillard Not out 824
P Garrett Not out 0
D Mocracy
W Swan
S Smith
G Combet
N Roxon
M Kelly
B Brown
Sundries 14
Total 941 for 2

Thanks Crikey

Matt Price Dead at 46

Journalist. Born October 15, 1961, Perth. Died November 25, 2007, Perth

Matt Price, the very insightful and humorous political journalist has died after a short illness, leaving a wife and three kids.

In one corner of The Australian’s cramped bureau in Perth, a well-worn Akubra hangs over a shambolic desk half-hidden with crumpled bits of paper, well-thumbed books on politics and sport, scribbled notes, a small portrait of three adorable children sitting in a park and, just for good measure, a dirty old coffee mug.

Matt Price sat here. He shouted from here, laughed and hooted and banged his fist from here. He got outraged from here, so outraged that he’d rip off his telephone headset after being tipped into a story and come storming into your office, bellowing something about Howard or Rudd or Malthouse.

Matt made a lot of noise. But it was always interesting noise; an opinion (whether you wanted to hear it or not), a joke, a prediction, a secret, a plot. He was the quintessential Australian newspaperman, a prolific writer, a wonderful wordsmith and arguably the best all-round journalist to come out of the west to play such a prominent role in national affairs.

But much more importantly than that, Matt had a heart. He was a beautiful chronicler of the frailties of the human condition. He loved the underdog and the underdog loved him. His rusted-on passion for the Fremantle Dockers was testament to him loving the ugliest dog in the pound.

When doctors found tumours in his brain in early October, Matt wrote a message to his friends telling them that he was about to undergo exploratory brain surgery and about to enter “a long dark tunnel”.

The message was blunt and shocking, but optimistic. He signed off: “No pithy punchline, just the obvious observation - life is fragile, hug your loved ones.”

Matt died yesterday afternoon in his suburban Perth home attended by his beloved wife Sue and their three children, Jack, 16, Matilda, 14, and Harry, 11. It was less than eight weeks since his left arm went “awry” while writing a story on the demise of West Coast Eagles champion wingman Chris Mainwaring, the first warning sign of this mongrel disease that has taken so many at such a young age.

I used to subscribe to his blog and listen to him on political segments on radio and television. The election campaign missed his insight. He will be missed and it makes me very sad. A real gap in my daily reading.

Demolition Completed

Good.

Photo Hunt: Hot

Here is a photograph of my son, who clearly thinks he is pretty hot.


I know that this is cheating, but such a great photograph.

More Photo Hunters Here

Scotland Dies Laughing

Most would have been dead within minutes TRIBUTES are being paid to Scotland this morning after the entire country laughed itself to death.


The alarm was first raised at around 10pm last night as thousands of phone calls and text messages went unanswered.

Small groups of volunteers from Berwick-Upon-Tweed and Carlisle ventured north just after midnight only to find houses full of dead people gathered around still blaring television sets.

By dawn, as RAF helicopters flew over deserted city streets, it was clear that the whole country had suffered a catastrophic abdominal rupture. Wayne Hayes, a special constable from Northumberland, said: "We went into one house in Dunbar and found three men sitting on the sofa with huge smiles on their faces, still holding cans of 70 shilling. They seemed to be at peace."

He added: "In a house near Edinburgh we found a man face down on the living room floor with his trousers and pants round his knees. "It seems he may have been showing his bare buttocks to the television when he keeled over."

Roy Hobbs, a civil engineer from Northampton, said: "I got a call from my friend Ian in Stirling at about 9.50pm. "He was already laughing when I answered the phone, but after about 25 minutes of the most vigorous and uncontrollable hilarity, everything suddenly went very quiet."

Moving tributes are already being placed along the Scotland-England border with many mourners opting to leave a simple bag of chips or a deep fried bunch of flowers.

From The Daily Mash

Cow Porn

ZADE...No.1 Highly Productive Longevity and Outstanding Udders

Life is too short to work with ugly cows!

ZADE..SEXED semen now available again (was sold out) as well as TRIPLE PLUS strength semen. TRIPLE PLUS means more than three times the sperm cells of competitors semen. Most use 9 million, we pack over 36 million sperm cells, post thaw ,progressively motile. ZADE has thousands of dtrs in over 7 countries..now 946 dtrs milking(on test) in 500 herds, five countries !

Seems like this is like breast enhancement for cows.

Inspired by Mutley the Dog.

Carnival of Australia

The latest Carnival of Australia is up at All for Women. A great range of Aussie Blogging.

Famous North Shore Sydney Home Available

Given that the Rudds plan to live at The Lodge in Canberra, Kirribilli is now surplus to requirements. No reasonable bid refused. Indicative offers on Saturday November 24.

Full details at domain.com.au

You are currently viewing a property in
North Shore - Lower , Kirribilli

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Kirribilli

• Property Type: House
• Bedrooms: 4
• Bathrooms: 4
• Car Spaces: 2

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111 Kirribilli Avenue

Kirribilli House: OPEN FOR INSPECTION sorry OPEN FOR ELECTION

Contact: Private Advertiser

Request more information

Property details

Property Type:

House

Suburb:

Kirribilli

Region:

Sydney Region

Bedrooms:

4

Bathrooms:

4

Carspaces:

2

Energy Efficiency Rating:

Not available

Property ID: 2006832414

Kirribilli House: OPEN FOR INSPECTION sorry OPEN FOR ELECTION

Impressive waterfront views! Poised on the top of a hill and the envy of
many onlookers, this two storey house is a residence of power. Far superior
to any old Lodge in Canberra, this house fits a family of five and provides
the ultimate abode in which to be relaxed and comfortable.
* Breathtaking views of Sydney's beautiful harbour
* Perfect place to view Sydney's fireworks - especially during events like
the APEC long weekend
* Ideal for extra-curricular fundraising activities
* Includes a $200 000 set of executive chairs (not from IKEA!)
* Plans for $500 000+ renovation of the dining room to re-enact the
predicted last supper
* Uses 28 times more water than the average Sydney household –
one of few properties that can be credited for creating its own mini-drought
* Current occupant considering a move even if a new lease is signed
* A million dollar garden ($1 118 000 million over 6 years) with no worms
(well not the kind that gets turned of mid-debate during 60 minutes)
* Recently received a $386 500 security upgrade that unfortunately
doesn’t stop fireball wielding psychos
* Price negotiable just like your Work Choices employment contract… NOT
* Neighbours you know and trust – ‘you can't help but love Maxine’
The Lodge: Live centre stage in Canberra!
You can’t go past this bargain in the nation’s capital. It’s not often an opportunity
like this comes along. While it doesn’t have the sweeping harbour views of
Kirribilli House, you’ll also be at home in this residence of power.
* Owner selling off assets in an effort to go out with a bang
* Tried twice before to evict the current tenant and its looking like
it’s third time lucky
* Long-term occupancy available (depending on your accountant's or
treasurer's plans)
* Needs a good clean and the lawn mowed: tenant barely there
* Recently refurbished reception areas
* Trying to save $7500 of tax payer funds for every flight between
Canberra and Sydney and another $7500 for a VIP jet to return empty
* Dial-up internet access only – ‘broadband is just a fad’ – two hours to
download a YouTube clip is not a big ask, is it?
* Neighbours you know and trust – ‘as if’
Act now, it’s only a matter of time before interest rates go up again… and
again… and maybe even again. Particularly given there is a greater chance
of Australia signing the Kyoto protocol or saying ‘sorry’ than housing ever
being affordable in this lifetime.
Written, spoken and authorised by The People of Australia for the
People of Australia. Please note this advertisement was not funded by 70%
of labour’s union officials and did not cost taxpayers anything. Your money
is only being used to pay for empty private jets, $500 million dollars in
advertising to secure your vote in the last week of the election and the
usual election sweeteners recently announced.

Digital Mischief http://tinyurl.com/yqqv6b

Indonesian Tree Man Meets Potential Medical Arborist

Astonishing story of the Indonesian man putting down roots.

Dede, now 35, baffled medical experts when warty "roots" began growing out of his arms and feet after he cut his knee in a teenage accident.The welts spread across his body unchecked and soon he was left unable to carry out everyday household tasks.

Sacked from his job and deserted by his wife, Dede has been raising his two children - now in their late teens - in poverty, resigned to the fact that local doctors had no cure for his condition.

To make ends meet he even joined a local "freak show", parading in front of a paying audience alongside victims of other peculiar diseases.

Good Luck to Him.

RIP 50 Million Turkeys

Happy Thanksgiving. I found this interesting historical note on Maggies Farm. I always liked the Cranberry Jelly and the Pumpkin Pie, served up at Thanksgiving Dinner.

There were two first Thanksgivings - one in 1619 in Virginia, and the next in 1621 in Plymouth (Massachusetts).

In Virginia the day of thanksgiving celebrated the landing of a group of 38 English settlers at Virginia's first settlement a little way from Jamestown. The group declared it a day of thanksgiving and said thanks should be "yearly and perpetually kept holy as a day of thanksgiving ..."

In Plymouth 1621, the Governor of the day, William Branford, declared that first feast following the fall harvest as a "day of thanksgiving."

Thereafter, the day following the fall harvest was celebrated each year in all 13 colonies, tho the days changed depending on which state you happened to be harvesting in.

In 1863, in an effort to unite the nation during the Civil War, President Lincoln made his Thanksgiving Proclamation, and declared the last Thursday in the month of November be a day of thanksgiving.

Jump ahead to 1939 and President Franklin D. Roosevelt decided that the best way to strengthen the economy was the lengthen the Christmas buying season, and made his own proclamation -Thanksgiving heretofore will be on the third Thursday in November. Well, Congress didn't agree and in 1941 pushed the date to the fourth Thursday in November - until this year.

Turns out our friend is wrong, since this Thursday is the fourth Thursday of the Month. Thanks to Meeyaw in comments.

Australia Set to Pick Saint Kevin as New Prime Minister

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