Sunday, October 24, 2010

Things You Can and Cannot Do in Scotland

I'm a sky scraper wean, I live on the ninteenth floor
But I'm no goin' oot tae play any more.
'Cause since we moved to oor new house I'm wastin' away
For I'm getting one meal less every day.

Oh ye canna fling pieces oot a twenty story flat
Seven hundred hungry weans will testify to that
If it's butter, cheese or jeely, if the bread is plain or pan
The odds against it reaching us is ninety-nine to one

On the first day my Maw flung oot a daud o' hovis broon
It came skitin' oot the windae and went up instead o' doon
Noo ev'ry twenty seven hours it comes back into sight
Cause my piece went intae orbit and became a satellite

On the next day my Maw flung me oot a piece again
It went up and hit a pilot in a fast, low flying plane
He scrapped it off his goggles, shouting through the intercom
The Clydeside Reds have got me wi' a breid 'n jelly bomb

On the third day my Maw tho't she would try another throw
The Salvation Army band was standin' doon below
'Onward Christian Soldiers' was the tune they should've played
But the Oompah man was playing piece 'n marmalade

We've wrote awa' to Oxfam to try an' get some aid
We all joined together and have formed the Piece Brigade
We're gonna march to London tae demand our civil rights
Like nae more hooses over piece flinging height

breid: bread
doon: down
hoose: house
jeely piece: bread and jelly sandwich
oor: our
oot: out
piece: sandwich
wean: child

And this is another no no.

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