Monday, January 28, 2008

I am approximately 15 percent Aussie

Great Aussie Icons I have seen. The Giant Rocking Horse at the Toy Factory in Gumeracha, north of Adelaide. Especially for Shades.

Today is the Australia Day Public Holiday. I felt obliged to test this out as I judge my transition to Aussieness. I have lived here for over 5 years now and must have learned something and taken on some traits. I have tried to be honest with myself as I head down the slippery slope to Ugh Boot wearing, Vegemite eating, beer drinking Aussie Larikin.

You can try too.

You know you're Australian if …

1. You know the meaning of the word "girt".

I only know this because my daughter asked me and I researched it. "Girt by Sea" WTF??

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

My son used to like to wear stubby holders, but stubbies are definitely just to be drunk.

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

Hell of a lot better than a leader called John. Hello.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

I only do this a little.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

Hoses are definitely just for watering (illegally).

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

No comment.

7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.


8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

Mixed feelings on this one.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".


10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".


11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.


12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."

Can you? I can't.

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

I have seen the big pineapple and there is a huge wooden rocking horse just up the road. Got to have a reason to get people to stop at your place.

14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".

Not yet.

15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

I quite like the sound of this, although I prefer Tumbarumba.

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

My kids are paranoid about spiders.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

No opinion Matey.

18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".

I took the train to Wagga Wagga many years ago. I was surprised that everyone called it Wagga.

19. You believe that cooked-down axlegrease makes a good breakfast spread.

Personally I prefer raspberry jam.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

My thoughts about the UK and the English. Still working on this one.

21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.

Not there yet. Seperately and in small measure for the beetroot please.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

I plead ignorance.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

As long as this doesn't happen to Tim Tams' no dramas mate.

24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".

I always like to correct Brits who make this fatal error.

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

Yes, especially for gardening and going to the shops.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

I am Scottish and we invented all the good stuff. I fit right into the Yanqui resentment mode that many Australians have however. Half a point.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

I am aware of this curious phenomenon.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

Having lived in Asia for many years I am good at pointing and gesticulating.

29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.

Still working on this one.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

The worst place for flies was Wallaroo, closely followed by Tumbarumba.

31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".

Only in jest.

32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

This is the first summer we have had air conditioning in the car. Luxury.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

We are lawn cricket types and my daughter always cheats, so why have rules. Personally I prefer French Cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".

Those bloody Yanks!

35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".

Kylie?? Who??

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

I remember being strip searched coming off a flight from Singapore during a Foot and Mouth outbreak in the UK. Extreme I though.

37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

Ugh Boots with a tie.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

That and bus timetables.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

Is that not for poofs?

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

Despite many years of listening to it at School Assembly, I still find it annoying and indecipherable. Bring on Jolly Swagman. Is that unpatriotic.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

Now this I am pretty good at. Who was the first Prime Minister, what is Mitchell Johnsons test match average, what is the life expectancy of a Kookaburra and what is the third largest town in Tasmania always let me down.

42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".

This is clearly ignorant anti Australian thinking written by non Aussies.

43. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

Well I am posting this.

So about 7/43

Happy Australia Day as I continue my journey.

Thanks Meg


jmb said...

I certainly don't score 100% on this or even close.

It took me a long time but I now prefer peanut butter to boiled down axle grease. Too salty.

Always was terrified of the venomous wildlife but never worry about it here. I know they are harmless so do not analyze what kind of spider it is or was that snake black or brown.

It's only the immigrants in any country who can pass the test because they study for it. The citizens were shortchanged in their education about the essential facts they are presumed to know. Luckily when I became a Canadian citizen my age precluded me taking the test. Those old folks can't remember anything anyway.

Happy Australia Day to you.

Jeremy Jacobs said...

Happy 220th.

Jayne said...

'Ope ya 'ad a goodone an' chucked a bit o' Acca Dacca on while yer barbied th' lamb covered in dead 'orse.

Colin Campbell said...

I can honestly say that I had no idea what ACCA DACCA was, especially given the Young boys Scottish heritage. And who exactly are Dazza and Shazza?

Shades said...

Get a picture up of that giant rocking horse- photoshop beckons...

Anonymous said...

I've been here seven years. It took me a few months to work out that it's Darren and Sharon listening to AC DC on the way to McDonalds. This was greatly helped by meeting a couple called Dazza and Shazza.

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