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Monday, May 12, 2008

Science Discovers New Element - Governmentium

New research has led to the discovery of a new element - the heaviest yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- to 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Thanks Pommygranate who pointed it out and this which inspired it.Who thought physicists were funny?

8 comments:

jmb said...

The "old scientist" said this has been around for years when I tried to tell him about it and sure enough when I clicked the link, 1988.
It is quite clever however and timeless.

Colin Campbell said...

I hadn't seen it before, so it passed my taste test for posting. I always struggled with those neutrons, morons and peons in high school chemistry. I did manage to pull it together to pass chemistry at University.

Jayne said...

Excellent post :)

Ole Blue The Heretic said...

Yep, sounds about right.

Lil Jimmy said...

Very clever. Pommygranate still alive? That's a relief.

Ian said...

By the way, bullshit and hot air are byproducts during the decomposition of governmentium.

Colin Campbell said...

Pommygranate blogs at the Australian Libertarian Society Website. Similar stuff. Different location.

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