Friday, April 18, 2008

Survivor Daddy

Meg posted this. I thought it was funny.

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labour, each child’s favourite colour, middle name, favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. And then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, ‘You’re not the boss of me’.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

I stayed at home with the kids for four years before they went to school, so I might do ok.


Jayne said...

LOL very good!

Nunyaa said...

Yes 'tis funny but now, for the women who don't already do this, lets see them go out and do what men do. Pump out sewerage traps, work on building sites in the hot sun all day etc....yes many women do work outside the home, far be it those who do not and can ask all that and then some of men. Still this was humorous post.

Semaj Mahgih said...

Truth in it but as Nunyaa said - don't forget what many men do.

Colin Campbell said...

I think it is a good advert for a stable family partnership. Whoever thought that raising children should be done by one person or that parents would have all the answers.

Still sometimes humour has to be based on challenging assumptions. For me, I was far from perfect in this role, but I could not have even got there if there was not another adult to share the emotional, economic and physical needs of family life.

Nunyaa said...

There is no one who is perfect at parenting Colin, sometimes you have to add humour to get through the challenges of the day ;-)

Meg said...

I agree, the perfect parent is a myth. The goal is to guide your kids safely to adulthood, as least screwed up as possible.

Glad you got a laugh :)

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