Thursday, November 13, 2008

Scottish Jokes

fallow antlerImage via Wikipedia

My memory of Scottish humour is that it was mainly about making other races look stupid compared to the magnificent gene pool that is the Scottish race. These, more self deprecating examples are likely to be indecipherable to non Scots, but carry on anyway.

A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: ‘How much for the set of antlers?’
‘Two hundred quid,’ says the bloke behind the counter’
‘That’s affa dear,’ says the guy.
‘Aye yer right!’ replies the bloke

Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement?
He’s awa’ noo.

After announcing he’s getting married, a boy tells his pal he’ll be wearing the kilt.
‘And what’s the tartan?’ asks his mate.
‘Oh, she’ll be wearing a white dress,’

Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq ?
Coo eight.

Mair o'er here.

And from the Montrose Music Man

What’s the difference between Alex Salmond and Shrek?

One’s a grumpy character who wanted to live in his own wee swampy country without any interference from his neighbours….and the other is a big green troll from a cartoon.

If it is in Private Eye, it must be true.

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Lilly said...


But you must remember I lived in Scotland for some years. It is a gene pool with lifeguards.....joking.....

♥ Braja said...

Thank God for the lifeguards is all I can say, and this from a girl whose maiden name is Macsween. Aye.

CherryPie said...

That Private Eye article made me smile when I saw it.

Anonymous said...

A mate of mine got married to a Scottish girl, Dunfermline and he wore a kilt for his wedding. An unkind mate suggested that from day one of the marriage it had been clearly established who wasn't wearing the pants in the family.

Anonymous said...

Och aye the noo!

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